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The More You Read, The Worse It Gets, Part 4

, , , , | Right | August 8, 2022

I am serving a group outside on the patio. One has asked for a diet Coke, and I bring the can out to her so I can open it in front of her and pour it into the glass with ice, as is policy in our restaurant.

As soon as I open the can, the diner speaks up.

Diner: “Oh! No! You can’t open that outside! What about all the greenhouse gases?!”

Me: “The greenhouse gases, ma’am?”

Diner: “Yes! We have to stop the carbon in the atmosphere! Those are carbonated drinks! You have to open the cans inside so the greenhouse gases don’t contaminate the atmosphere.”

I’m unable to process that much false information in one go.

Me: “Okay, ma’am. If you order another soda I will open the can indoors for you.”

Diner: “Yes! You must! Don’t let the greenhouse gases escape!”

Me: “I’ll be sure to try, ma’am.”

Diner: “Also, while I have you, please validate my parking? I’ll need to leave soon as I parked my SUV in the compact-only space.”

Related:
The More You Read, The Worse It Gets, Part 3
The More You Read, The Worse It Gets, Part 2
The More You Read, The Worse It Gets

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