Customer: “What kind of sunglasses are these?”
Me: “Those are Ray-Ban, but they’re children’s glasses.”
Customer: “I really like this one.”
Me: “Again, those are children’s glasses. I can help you find a similar style for adults.”
Customer: *pointing to the same pair of glasses* “Can I try these on?”
Me: “Well, they are children’s glasses, but you are more than welcome to try them on.”
Customer: *tries on the glasses* “These are really small!”
Customer: “Excuse me, can I get some coffee?”
Me: “Sure, decaf or regular?”
Customer: “Oh! Sugar, too, please!”
Me: “Not a problem. Decaf or regular?”
Customer: “None of that sweet and low stuff. Real sugar!”
Me: “Yes, sir. Decaf or regular?”
Customer: “Oh, and milk, too!”
Me: “Absolutely. Decaf or regular?”
Customer: “But not skim, or whole, or 2%. You got any half and half?”
Me: “Yes, sir.”
Customer: “Good!”
Me: “Right. Coffee with sugar and half and half. Do you want decaf or regular?”
Customer: “Make sure there’s not too much milk. Gotta be a bit strong.”
Me: “Right. Decaf or regular?”
Customer: “Oh, and lots of sugar! I like it sweet… but not too much milk!”
Me: “Decaf or regular?”
Customer: “Oh, bring out some extra sugar, would you? Just in case.”
Me: *gives up* “Okay, one decaf coffee, half and half, extra sugar?”
Customer: “No, REGULAR! Geez, I swear… people just don’t pay attention anymore!”
(The hotel was hosting a conference. At lunchtime, I was serving at the dessert table which had a variety of different desserts and a large fruit bowl with a pineapple as the centerpiece.)
Man: “Is that pineapple real?”
Me: “Huh? Oh, yes it is. We put it there just as decoration, but I could get the chef to cut it up for you if you’d like.”
Man: “No, I just wondered… How about those apples, are they real?”
Me: “Yes they are; all the fruit is real. Actually, we aren’t allowed to use fake fruit in decorating here anymore.”
Man: “Really? Why not?”
Me: “Because people kept trying to eat them and hurt their mouths.”
Man: “You’re joking! How could they not tell the difference?”
Me: “I… don’t know, sir. Did you want any dessert?”
Man: “Um… are the strawberries real?”
Me: “Yes, sir.”
Man: “Hmm, they look pretty real. I’ll have some of those.”
(This was during a first-stage fire alarm in the hotel, which was already verified to be a false alarm.)
Guest: *completely oblivious to the fire alarm* “The elevators aren’t working properly!”
Me: “The elevators won’t work during a fire alarm, but we already know it’s a false alarm. It will take us about 5 minutes to reset the elevator doors. If you need to get to your room right now the stairs are just outside those doors.” *pointing*
Guest: “Why won’t they work? I don’t get it.”
Me: “In a real emergency such as a fire, it is unsafe for anyone to use the elevators. I assure you it’s a pretty standard procedure. If you need to get up right away I can show you the stairs.”
Guest: “Well, that’s just unsafe! What do the people trapped on the upper floors do?! HOW DO THEY GET DOWN DURING A FIRE?!”
Nearby Guest: *patiently waiting for the elevator to be re-set* “They use the same stairs you were told to use!”
Guest: “Well, I’m not from the city, I don’t know these things!”
(This is at a soup shop where we offer samples.)
Customer: “Hi. Can I try the soup?”
Me: “Sure, but be careful; it’s very hot.”
(She proceeds to sip it without grabbing a spoon which is in her line of sight.)
Customer: “OW! That is really hot!”
(She hands it to her six-year-old son who proceeds to do the same thing she just did.)
Child: “That burned my tongue!”
Customer: “You should warn people that your soup is hot!”
Me: “Would you buy the soup if it was cold?”
Customer: “Absolutely not.”
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