You Can Pedal-o Right Back Where You Came From With That Attitude

I was in Ibiza, twelve days into a two-week break. I am a swarthy Englishman and my holiday had given me quite a decent tan. I usually get spoken to by indigenous people; however, like most Brits, I don’t speak any Spanish much beyond “Please,” “Thank you,” and “Four beers, please.”

One day, I was on the beach and two (old) Brits approached me and gestured toward the rentable pedal boats.

Man: “How much are the pedalos?”

This caused great amusement amongst my friends.

Me: *In English* “Sorry, I can’t speak English.”

He responded by asking several more times in an increasingly louder and more aggressive voice. He eventually asked:

Man: “Why be a vendor in a tourist area if you don’t speak f****** English?!”

Me: *In English* “Why are you being rude and not attempting to speak the local language?”

He eventually stomped off, muttering to his wife, not realising I spoke to him in English THE WHOLE TIME!

Twenty years on, my friends still sidle up to me and ask, “How much are the pedalos?”