(A mom and little girl are waiting in line. I watch from a different line.)
Little Girl: “Can I have this candy?”
Mom: “No, put it back.”
Little Girl: “But that’s not fair! That’s not fair!”
Mom: “Cut that out!”
Little Girl: *takes a deep breath and calms down, then turns to her mom* “I’m killing you. I’m going to kill you.”
Mom: “…”
(Years ago I was working the closing shift at a local convenience store. It was late when a very elderly man came in and bought a six-pack of beer, cigarettes and condoms. After ringing up the sale…)
Me: “Have a good night, sir!”
Man: “Oh, I will. The missus is out of town!”
Me: *shocked and speechless*
This story is part of the Convenience Store roundup!
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A customer walks in.
Me: “Hi, how are you tonight?”
Customer: “Have you prayed today?”
Me: “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
Customer: “You better pray or you’ll go to Hell.”
Me: “Wow, okay.”
Customer: “Beelzebub has a devil put aside for you.”
Me: “FOR ME! FOR ME! FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” *awesome air guitaring, a la Queen*
(The customer walked out. This was one of those crazy regulars who come in for whatever and are always talking about Jesus. If anybody else had been in the store, I wouldn’t have done the Queen thing, but it was too much to pass up.)
Me: *to a customer opening the beer cooler* “I’m sorry, but alcohol sales close at midnight.”
Customer: “That’s okay, I’m just getting beer.”
This story is part of the “Customers Who Don’t Know How The World Works” roundup!
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