Someone Skipped “Please” And “Thank You” Day In Kindergarten

I was renting a small place along a suburban street. A man was renting the place above me, but I’d never had much of a reason to speak to him, so outside of recognizing him, and once doing him a favor by helping him figure out how to get his programable thermostat to work, I couldn’t say I knew much about him.

There was no parking besides street parking available at this place. This wasn’t much of a problem as I usually could find a spot very close to my house to park. However, on the night before this story, some sort of event was happening at a nearby church and the street parking was very full, resulting in me parking a little way away from my usual spot.

The next day, the parking situation had cleared up when I went outside to walk a bit and get some fresh air. That’s when the man who lived above me approached me.

Man: “Hey, is your car the [color] [Make]?

Me: “Yeah, why?”

Man: “You parked next to someone’s house down the street. The people living there need to park there to get stuff out of their car. They said you’d better move your car now or they’ll have it towed.”

Me: “Did they actually threaten to tow it if I didn’t move it?”

Man: “Yeah, they were really angry.”

Me: “Well then, if you go back down that way, feel free to tell them that the streets are public property and I’m allowed to park in any legal location. They can’t tow it, and I don’t respond to baseless threats. However, if it would make it easier for them for me to move my car, I’d be happy to if they simply asked me politely instead of making threats.”

Man: “Oh, yeah, they’re not going to like that. They were pissed you took their spot.”

Me: “I’m sorry if it inconvenienced them, but threatening someone who did nothing wrong isn’t a fair response, and I’m not going to encourage that behavior by responding to it. Like I said, all they need to do is ask politely and I wouldn’t mind moving it.”

The man headed back down the street. I stuck closer to my house than originally intended for a little while, just so I’d be available to move the car when they asked me to.

A bit later, an angry-looking woman came up to me with [Man].

Woman: “You’re the one who’s parked at our house?”

Me: “Presumably, yes.”

Woman: “Why the h*** did you park there?”

Me: “Last night, there was no other available parking near here, so when I found a legal place to park, I took it.”

Woman: “You can’t park there. That’s my spot.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I legally can. Are you asking me if I would be willing to move my car?”

Woman: “You’d better, or I’m towing it.”

Me: “You can’t tow it; it’s parked in a legal location that is publicly available to any of us. You could instead try asking for it to be moved, though.”

Woman: “Why the h*** should I ask you when you’re in my spot?”

Me: “It’s not your spot anymore, then; it’s mine. It’s public property. You don’t own it. Wanting a spot doesn’t make it yours.”

Woman: “It’s at my house.”

Me: “It’s on a public road. The fact that it’s near your house doesn’t mean you own public property. Though, as I told this fine gentleman, I’d probably be willing to move it as a favor if asked properly.”

Woman: “Move your d*** car.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m really trying to be considerate here, but that was not remotely polite. All I asked is to be treated with basic human decency if you want a favor from me.”

Woman: “It’s not a favor. It’s in my spot.”

Man: “Really, it’s not a problem. He already said he’d move it; just say ‘please’.”

The woman spoke in the most sarcastic and insincere voice possible.

Woman: “Okay, fine. Please get out of my spot already.”

Me: “Sorry, but no. As I’ve regularly had to tell my godchildren, the word ‘please’ doesn’t magically make a sentence polite. I was happy to help if you had just asked, but if you’re incapable of basic decency, then I’m not rewarding your poor behavior by doing you any favors.”

Woman: “F*** you, then! I’m towing it!”

Me: “You are more than welcome to try. I don’t think you will have much luck convincing anyone to do so, though.”

Woman: “Fine, but don’t blame me if your car is damaged tomorrow.”

I should mention that we had attracted a small crowd by now.

Me: “If that’s a threat, I’ll point out that I have numerous witnesses to it here and that the people across the street have a security camera set up. So, yes, I’d blame you, take you to civil court, and report you to the police. I would strongly advise against that course of action.”

Woman: “Just move your d*** car.”

Me: “No. And this grass does belong to me, so I’m going to ask you to get off of it since you are trespassing. I’m headed inside. Next time, just try being polite.”

The woman shouted at my door for a while after that.

As soon as I was inside, I called the police and asked if they could have an officer swing by to speak to her about trespassing and her threat to damage my car. They were shockingly responsive; they must have had a car already nearby because someone showed up nearly immediately.

The officer spoke to the woman. I didn’t come out to listen, but I spoke to the officer afterward. He had convinced her to leave and made sure to make it clear how bad an idea damaging my car after making a threat like that would be. I didn’t really want to press charges or anything; I honestly wasn’t sure if I could, since the yard actually belonged to my landlord, not me. I just thanked the officer for convincing the woman it was wise for her to leave me alone.

My car was fine when I left for work the subsequent day, and I parked in a closer spot when I got home, so presumably, the crazy lady got her spot back. Still, she could have saved herself so much trouble with a simple, sincere “please”.