(I am sweeping the dining room floor when I am waved over by an elderly couple.)

Me: “Hi, anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yes, we are heading around the island tomorrow and want to know if this rain will have stopped by then.”

Me: “It will probably still be raining here. However, they only get about eight inches of rain a year on the other side of the island, so chances are it’ll be sunny.”

Customer: “Can you check the weather tomorrow for me?”

Me: “Um, I don’t have a newspaper or anything, but I could ask the manager to turn the radio on. They give the weather at the top of every hour.”

(Note that it is 9:57 PM.)

Customer: “That will take too long. How about internets?”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t have Wi-Fi here, but [Coffee Shop] does.”

Customer: *irate* “No! Where are the Internets!?”

Me: “Like an internet cafe? The only one here is downtown, but it’s already closed.”

Customer: “No! The INTERNETS!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Customer: “Fine!” *storms off with his wife in tow*

(I work in the admissions office of a large university, sitting near the residency window. People frequently come in to dispute being ruled a non-resident for tuition purposes, which results in higher tuition.)

Student: “I was ruled a non-resident and I’m a resident?”

Me: “Well, just let me see your ID and I’ll pull up your file and we can take a look.”

(I pull up the file on my computer.)

Me: “It says on your application that you’ve only been here six months and you still have an out-of-state driver’s license. To be classified as a resident, you need to have lived in-state for at least twelve months and have a Utah driver’s license.”

Student: “That’s crap! I have a Utah fishing license. Doesn’t that count for anything?!”

(I work at a well-known electronics store. I am standing by the entrance welcoming people and handing out ads. A woman comes rushing in.)

Customer: “I need help! Where are your geeks?”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “You can go over to the counter, just next to customer service. Someone there can help you.”

(About 20 minutes later, I see the woman heading to the exit.)

Me: “Did you get your problem straightened out?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. Thank you so much! I was in need of your geekiness and now everything is okay!”

(A customer brings in a phone that is still covered in the snow she just dropped it in.)

Me: “I am sorry, but we do not service liquid-damaged phones.”

Customer: “How is that liquid damaged?”

Me: “Well, you brought it in covered in snow.”

Customer: “Snow is not water.”

Me: “It’s frozen water. See how the counter is getting wet?”

Customer: “Well, now it is! You need to replace my phone since you let it get wet!”

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(I have just finished making a coffee order and I call out the number the customer was given. No one comes to pick up the order, so I call the number two or three times before the customer finally comes up to the counter to pick up her order. After a few seconds, she returns.)

Customer: “This coffee is cold!”

Me: “It’s been sitting here for a few minutes. I called it out a couple times but no one came to pick it up.”

Customer: “Well, this is cold! Perhaps you should only have competent people make coffees!”

This story is part of the Even-More-Customers-Are-To-Blame roundup!

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