(I have recently broken my foot, and the pain and brace I wear under my shoe causes a pronounced limp. I’m working in concessions on a slow day when an elderly couple approaches to order. Our kettle is popping corn directly behind me, so it’s difficult to hear.)

Me: “Hello, how are you doing today?”

Male Customer: *mumbles inaudibly*

Me: “What can I get started for you?”

Female Customer: “He just ordered a small popcorn.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, of course. Buttery topping?”

Male Customer: *mumbles inaudibly*

Me: “Sorry? Could you repeat that?”

Female Customer: “He said butter!”

Me: “Ah, thank you. Would you like anything to drink with that?”

Female Customer: “Teenagers! You never listen to a word anyone says! He already ordered a small coke!”

(I’m 24, but I brush off the comment about my age as it’s a common mistake.)

Me: “I apologize, it’s difficult for me to hear for the corn popping.”

(I proceed to collect the ordered items, limping as usual. I overhear the woman mumbling, but think little of it.)

Me: “Here you are, can I get any candy or anything else for you?”

Female Customer: “If you’re done shuffling about so lazily, I’d like you to ring me up.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I broke my foot recently. I was moving as fast as I could under the circumstances.”

Female Customer: “Right, uh huh. Whatever excuse you need. Lazy teenagers.”

(I complete the transaction, and go about various tasks as soon as they leave, trying to hide my obvious annoyance. After a few minutes, the man returns and leans way over the counter with a serious frown. I nervously shuffle over.)

Me: “Welcome back, how can I help you?”

Male Customer: “I just wanted to apologize about my hag of an old wife. She’s got some sort of stick crammed up there, and it sure ain’t mine!”

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(A nice German family is checking into the hotel around 10:30 at night.)

Father: “We have to be up early tomorrow. We’re driving to Disneyland tomorrow.”

Me: “Wow, that’s a heck of a drive. When do you think you’ll get there?”

Father: “I don’t know. I was hoping mid-afternoon.”

Me: “I think you might want to check your directions. California is 2,000 miles away.”

Father: “But it’s just the other side of the country.”

Me: “The US is a big country, sir.”

Customer: “Today is my anniversary! Love is the best thing in life.”

Me: “Actually…” *in Conan voice* “To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women…” *back in regular voice* “…is the best thing in life.”

Customer: “Ha! You made my day!”

(She paid for a $6 meal with a $20 bill and told me to keep the change!)

Customer: “Do you copy DVDs?”

Me: “Yes we do, as long as they don’t contain copyrighted material.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “We can copy your DVDs if they consist of content that you created.”

Customer: “Well, it’s a season of a TV show.”

Me: “That would be copyrighted.”

Customer: “Oh, no it’s not.”

Me: “Yes, TV shows are copyrighted.”

Customer: “But it was recorded legally.”

Me: “What do you mean it was recorded legally?”

Customer: “My friend recorded it for me.”

Me: “That would be illegal.”

Customer: “No, it’s not. He pays for his cable, and he copied a series for me, and I want another copy of it.”

Me: “Yes, that’s illegal.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because you have to pay for cable too if you want to watch it. And you can probably buy them on DVD at the store.”

Customer: “Nope, not this show!”

Me: “Well it’s still illegal. I won’t be able to copy them.”

Customer: “Ugh!”

Customer: “Hi, I would like a small latte, please.”

Me: “Would you like a flavor shot added to your latte?”

Customer: “Do you have any sugar-free flavors?”

Me: “Yes.” *points to the menu* “Our flavor shots are listed here, we have sugar-free vanilla, caramel, hazelnut, raspberry.”

Customer: “Hmm, no thanks. I really shouldn’t have any sugar added to my drink. Can you just put honey in it?”