(A customer tries on a pair of shoes. As she is about to pay, she asks about getting a tax refund.)

Customer: “Can I get duty free for this?”

Me: “No, you cant get duty free for these because you have to spend over $300 and these are only $149.”

Customer: “So, I can get duty free?”

Me: “No, sorry, these are only $149. You need to spend over $300 to be able to claim your tax at the airport.”

Customer: “So, I can only wear these in Australia? I can’t wear these in China?”

Me: “Yes, you can wear these in China, but you wont be able to claim your tax back because they are not over $300.”

Customer: “So, I can’t take these to China?”

Other staff: “Yes you can wear them in China, but they’re not duty free.”

Customer: “So, I can wear them in Australia, and to the airport, but not in China?”

Me: “No, you can wear them anywhere.”

Customer: “How much tax can I get back?”

Other staff: “You can get 10% tax back but you cant get it for these ones because it is less than $300.”

Customer: “So, I can wear them to China?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: “Okay!”

(At the gas station where I work, all electronic payment methods are currently offline. To combat this, we have numerous 8×11 signs that say “DEBIT AND CREDIT DOWN! CASH ONLY PLEASE!” A customer comes in to pay for gas and pulls out his credit card.)

Me: “Sorry, that card isn’t going to work. Our debit and credit systems are down.”

Customer: “Well why aren’t there any signs telling me this?”

Me: “There are three signs on every gas pump, including the one you were on. There are four on the door you opened to get in here. There are two on the counter that you currently have your hands on, and there are four more on the glass window I’m currently talking to you through.”

(The customer goes silent, realizing that he’s just missed seeing 13 signs. This happens five more times in the next 20 minutes with other customers, so I’m forced to resort to going on the intercom with every gas customer after that. Before allowing them to get fuel, I ask if they are paying with cash, with an alarming number of people all saying ‘No’, with one notable exception.)

Me: *over the intercom* “Pump number 4, are you paying with cash?”

Customer: “Yes, I can read the signs all over the pumps.” *laughs*

Me: “Ha ha, nice! Apparently, most people can’t. ”

Customer: “Oh, I know. I’ve worked with the public before. I get scared sharing the road with these people!”

Related:
A Sad Sign Of The Times

(I work at the frequent flyer service for an airline. A customer calls in to check his mileage balance but there are no flights registered.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but are no flights registered on your account. I’ll need to check what’s gone wrong and we’ll get the flights registered to your account.”

Customer: “I knew this! I knew this wouldn’t work. You want everyone to be you frequent flyers so you can spam us with your ads but you won’t give anything back! Not even what you promised!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. I can assure you that’s not how we do business. If you’ll give me just a minute, I’ll figure out what has happened and we’ll get your flights registered.”

(I scan through our booking system for flights and manage to find three bookings that clearly are his. The bookings are lacking his frequent flyer number and that’s why they haven’t been registered.)

Me: “I think I found the reason why the flights haven’t been registered, sir. I found these three bookings but your frequent flyer number isn’t registered in the bookings. That’s why the flights weren’t registered. Did you give your frequent flyer number when booking the flights?”

Customer: “No, I didn’t.”

Me: “Well, then that’s the reason why the flights weren’t registered. You should always give your frequent flyer number when making a booking. But don’t worry, sir; I can register the flights right here, right now to your account.”

Customer: “Oh boy, you’re arrogant!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

Customer: “I don’t need to give my frequent flyer number!”

Me: “Well, without the number we cannot register the mileage.”

Customer: “That’s bull-s***, of course you can! When I call you, you know I call you. When I make a booking, you know I make a booking. When I pay my flights, you know I pay my flights. When I check in, you know I check in. When I board the plane, you know I board the plane. You know people, you track us down, I don’t need to give you any d*** numbers to get anything registered!”

(As he’s ranting, I’ve searched our frequent flyer records with his first and last name.)

Me: “I’m very sorry that we haven’t been able to meet your expectations, but we sincerely do need the frequent flyer number to register your flights. We cannot use just passenger names for two reasons: firstly it’s against the privacy laws and secondly we have almost 30 frequent flyers that have exactly the same name as you do sir.”

Customer: “30?”

Me: “Yes sir, almost 30. And that’s just the ones that have registered as our frequent flyers, there’s even more who haven’t registered.”

(He agreed to use his frequent flyer number after that.)

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(A customer approaches me at the cash desk.)

Customer: “You remind me of my daughter.”

Me: “Oh, thank you.”

Customer: “I call her Pony-Face!”

(I work in an adult-themed store that sells clothing. I am stocking nightwear on racks when a middle-aged customer appears.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you find a [brand of bra] in this size? I looked everywhere and can’t find it.”

Me: “Alright…”

(I disappear into the aisles and return with a bra.)

Me: “Here you go.”

Customer: “Thank you so much!”

Me: “You’re welcome.”

(The customer wanders off to the changing rooms while I return to putting the clothes on the rack. The customer returns, wearing NOTHING except for the bra he just got for her.)

Customer: “How does it look? Will my boyfriend like it?”

Me: *shocked* “Uh… sure.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

(A coworker appears after the woman returns to the dressing rooms.)

Coworker: “Happened again?”

Me: “What is it about these stores that makes people forget their modesty?!”