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The customer is NOT always right!

How Gluttons Complain

, | Right | March 28, 2008

(I was a customer observing this in line, not the employee.)

Customer: “I’d like a hot fudge sundae.”

(The worker makes a hot fudge sundae and presents it to customer.)

Customer: *eats spoonful of sundae* “The ice cream is melting.” *eats another spoonful*

Worker: “I’m sorry. It’s probably because there’s HOT fudge on top of it.”

Customer: *spoonful* “The ice cream is too soft. *spoonful* I can’t eat this.” *spoonful*

Worker: “I could try to remake it for you, or get you something else.”

Customer: *still chowing down* “This is just awful.”

(The customer takes another spoonful–by this time about half the sundae is gone.)

Customer: “How do you expect people to eat this–” *spoonful* “–when the ice cream is so soft?” *spoonful* “The ice cream should be hard!” *spoonful*

Worker: “Would you like something else?”

Customer: *spoonful spoonful spoonful* “Don’t bother. Just throw it away.” *spoonful*

(The customer hands what little is left to the worker and stomps away indignantly, still complaining.)

My Wife: *not very quietly* “What a b****!

Worker: *smiles at my wife*


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Yet Still They Come

, , | Right | March 28, 2008

(Due to a power outage we had to close our store. The lights were all out and there were 2 large green bristol board signs displaying “CLOSED, NO POWER, SORRY”. A woman walks up, walks through the entryway, and tries the door to the store proper, which is locked. She then turns around goes to the exit door, pulls it open, and walks in. I stop her.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, there is a power outage. We’re closed.”

Woman: “Does that mean I can come in?”

Me: “No. ‘Closed’ means you can’t come in.”

Woman: “Then how come THEY’RE allowed in?” *points to people behind cash registers all wearing store aprons*

Me: “Uh… they work here.”

Woman: *leaves angrily*


This story is part of the Closing Time roundup!

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PEBCAK, Episode II

, | Right | March 27, 2008

(We get a LOT of calls like this.)

Caller: “I locked myself out of my computer, and I can’t get in and I need to get in! My password doesn’t work!”

Me: “Okay, we can do a password reset for you.”

Caller: “This is really important, I need to be able to log in!”

Me: “Okay, sir, no problem. Can you just verify your login ID for me?”

Caller: *verifies*

Me: “Okay, great. Now can you verify that your Caps Lock is not on?”

Caller: “What? That’s stupid, why would I… oh.” *silence*

Me: “Sir?”

Caller: “…it just worked all of a sudden, thanks.”

Me: “…”


This story is part of our Password roundup!

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The (Mystery) State Of The Union

, , | Right | March 27, 2008

(I was an 800-directory operator. We weren’t information, we just gave you 1-800 numbers.)

Caller: “Excuse me, but what state is Kentucky in?”

Me: “Well, Kentucky IS a state.”

Caller: “Yeah, but what state is it in?”

Me: “Sir, it’s not IN a state. There are 50 states, and Kentucky is one of them.”

Caller: “Well, there’s 52 states if you count Alaska and Hawaii.”

Me: “There’s only 52 states if you count Alaska and Hawaii TWICE. But there’s only 51 if you don’t count Kentucky.”

Caller: *click*

A Woman Of Few Words

, , | Right | March 27, 2008

(I was in our technology support office when a housekeeping staff person, Donna, stopped by. There was no preamble to the dialog below.)

Donna: “Dr. Franklin gets e-mail in his office.”

Me: *nods*

Donna: “Alicia says she can check her e-mail in the office.”

Me: *nods*

Donna: “I like e-mail.”

Me: “Nice.”

Donna: “Nice?”

Me: “Not nice?”

Donna: “I like e-mail.”

Me: “I like e-mail, too.”

Donna: “You don’t have it?”

Me: “I do.”

Donna: “I like e-mail.”

Me: *biting lower lip, uncertain what to say or do*

Donna: “I like e-mail.”

Me: *glancing at the clock on the wall*

Donna: “I like to have e-mail.”

Me: “I like having e-mail, too, and I check it all the time.”

Donna: “Can I have it? I like to have e-mail.”