(I work for a business management firm that deals primarily with people in the entertainment industry. My employer has decided to give out my personal cell phone number, without telling me, to one particular client who is incredibly needy. I receive a phone call on a weekend at about three am.)

Me: *groggily answering the phone* “Hello?”

Client: “There’s something wrong with my cable and I need you to fix it.”

Me: “I… I’m sorry. I think you have the wrong number.”

Client: “This is [My Name], right?”

Me: “Um, yes? Who is this?”

Client: “What? You mean you don’t recognize my voice? Seriously, how many times have I spoken to you on the phone? You should KNOW who this is.”

Me: *I instantly figure out who it is* “Oh, hi. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was you. I also didn’t realize you had my personal number.”

Client: “Yeah, [Boss] gave it to me and told me that you were on call for me whenever I needed something. I’m having a problem with my cable and I need you to fix it.”

Me: “I’m sorry. It’s three am on Sunday. I’m not in the office and don’t have access to your information right now. What seems to be the problem, though? Have you tried calling them directly?”

Client: “No, I haven’t called them! That’s what I pay you for! Look, I’m trying to order a movie and it’s not going through. I keep getting an error message and it tells me to call this number on the screen.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to suggest you call the number provided and see if they can help. I don’t see how I will be of much use in the middle of the night on the weekend and out of the office.”

Client: “Listen. I NEED to get this movie. I left my laptop in the studio and I need to watch p*rn, okay? Do you get it now? I NEED MY F****** P*RN!”

Me: “Look. I’m sorry, but as I mentioned before there isn’t anything I can do. Either call the cable company and have them try and help or it will have to wait until I’m in the office Monday morning.”

Client: “Well, f*** you then! Just you wait until I call [Boss] and tell him about the HORRIBLE service you are providing. This is not what I pay you for!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Have a good night.” *hangs up*

(Sure enough, the client did call my boss. When I came in on Monday he tried to tear me a new one for not helping out the client. I, in turn, went off on him about how unprofessional and not okay it was to give out my personal contact information without my consent and he shut up. No apology. I resigned that week.)

(I’m the night auditor at a small hotel. It’s four am, and a thunderstorm is passing through the area. The phone at the front desk rings.)

Me: “Front desk. How can I help you?”

Caller: “What was that loud noise that woke me up?”

Me: “There’s a thunderstorm going through the area right now.”

Caller: “Can you make it stop?”

Me: “Ma’am, if I could control the weather, I would rule the world.”

(I am a supervisor in a call center for a large online accommodation site. I get an angry guest escalated to me because she is unhappy about something that has appeared on her screen while browsing our site.)

Me: “Hello. My name is [Name] and I’m a supervisor at [Site]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m am just calling to let you know that I am never using your site! Ever!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I was just browsing hotels in California and p*rn popped up in a sidebar on your website!”

Me: “I’m sorry that happened, ma’am, but we have no control over that.”

Customer: “Well you better get control over it quick!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, you’re misunderstanding me. The advertisements on the side of your screen are based on your previous browsing history.”

Customer: “I would never go on a site like that!”

Me: “I understand that, ma’am, but I’m just trying to explain the technical aspect of how they work. Being that I work at [Site], I am on our site quite a bit and because of that, all the advertisements on the side are for [Site].”

Customer: “Oh. Well, what do I do?”

Me: “I can walk you through how to get rid of them if you’d like.”

(I walked the customer through how to delete her cookies in her browser and she calmed down. She was very grateful for my help and stated that she was going to have some investigating to do with her husband and kids!)

(Today is a busy weekend. I’m working checkout and there is a huge line waiting. In the middle of one of my transactions, a woman cuts everyone in line. The people in line are visibly agitated but just let it go.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. I cannot check you out. These customers have been waiting in line patiently for their turn. Please go wait like everyone else.”

Customer: “I’m in a hurry. Please, can you make an exception just this once?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but it just wouldn’t be fair for everyone else in line. Please wait for your turn.”

(After I say this, the customer’s mood quickly swings from a cheery to angry.)

Customer: “This store should treat their customers better! I’m giving them all my hard earned money. You know what? F*** this place and everyone here! You people are f******* idiots! I’m going to shop at [Competitor]!” *storms out without her items*

(As she turns her back and storms off, almost everyone in line, and even some people in other lines, flip her off in unison.)

(A tourist runs into the ranger station looking really scared.)

Tourist: “Help! There’s a grizzly bear in the parking lot. A grizzly bear! He chased my kids!”

(The rest of the rangers and I grab our guns and run out to the parking lot to chase off the bear and make sure no one is hurt. When we get outside, we look around but don’t see the bear.)

Rangers: *yelling* “Where is it?! Where is the bear?”

Tourist: *pointing frantically* “It’s right there! Right there between those cars! Shoot it!”

(We continue to look around but don’t see the bear while the tourist continues to point and scream. Finally, one of the rangers notices a marmot running between two cars.)

Ranger: *pointing at the marmot* “Wait. Is that what you mean? That little brown animal right there?”

Tourist: “Yes! That’s it! Shoot it, quick!”

Ranger: “Sir, that is a marmot, not a grizzly. Marmots are just really big ground squirrels.”

Tourist: “That’s not a grizzly? But it looked just like the picture I saw in the magazine. Are you sure?”

Ranger: “Yes, sir. Grizzlies are much much bigger. They are taller than a person when they stand up and they weigh 500 lbs or more.”

Tourist: *embarrassed* “It didn’t look that big in the picture.”

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