Didn’t Study The Bear Necessities

National Park | Right | February 19, 2014

(A tourist runs into the ranger station looking really scared.)

Tourist: “Help! There’s a grizzly bear in the parking lot. A grizzly bear! He chased my kids!”

(The rest of the rangers and I grab our guns and run out to the parking lot to chase off the bear and make sure no one is hurt. When we get outside, we look around but don’t see the bear.)

Rangers: *yelling* “Where is it?! Where is the bear?”

Tourist: *pointing frantically* “It’s right there! Right there between those cars! Shoot it!”

(We continue to look around but don’t see the bear while the tourist continues to point and scream. Finally, one of the rangers notices a marmot running between two cars.)

Ranger: *pointing at the marmot* “Wait. Is that what you mean? That little brown animal right there?”

Tourist: “Yes! That’s it! Shoot it, quick!”

Ranger: “Sir, that is a marmot, not a grizzly. Marmots are just really big ground squirrels.”

Tourist: “That’s not a grizzly? But it looked just like the picture I saw in the magazine. Are you sure?”

Ranger: “Yes, sir. Grizzlies are much much bigger. They are taller than a person when they stand up and they weigh 500 lbs or more.”

Tourist: *embarrassed* “It didn’t look that big in the picture.”

This story is part of the National Parks-themed roundup!