I’m going to turn up a minute before you lock your doors to browse aimlessly for half an hour before returning fifteen items without the receipt. (more…)
(I’m busing a cluster of booths next to a woman and her young toddler.)
Mother: *plays on her phone*
Toddler: *screams*
Mother: *starts playing with the paper placemat and crayons and stickers we gave to her baby*
Toddler: *screams*
Mother: *receives her order and, as she shovels it down her throat, goes back to her phone*
Toddler: *screams louder*
(This goes on for over 20 minutes and she does nothing to acknowledge the baby, but many guests are complaining to the manager.)
Manager: “Ma’am, is your baby all right?”
Mother: “He does that a lot. Just ignore him. He’ll shut up.”
(I nearly drop my bus tub in shock. My manager sees the look on my face and signals me to just go back to the kitchen/dish pit. He comes back to talk to me a few minutes later, after the baby’s stopped crying.)
Me: “Did you ask her to leave?”
Manager: “No, I gave the baby a plate of cheese fries. He was just hungry.
Me: “I hate people.”
Manager: “Next time, don’t look like you’re going to hit her and you can stay and watch the show.”
(The kicker? Other than the fact that she hadn’t even ordered for her child, my workplace offers a weekend deal where children under four eat for free!)
(I’m selling an old set of rims online and receive a message about them.)
Potential Buyer: “Hi, are these still available?”
Me: “Yes, they certainly are!”
Potential Buyer: “Would you consider dropping the price a bit?”
Me: “Well, since they’re used, I’ll accept a reasonable offer.”
Potential Buyer: “Great! Would you accept [$100 less than my asking price]? Oh, and could you deliver to [City five hours away]?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but gas alone to get there and back will be about $150. I can accept that offer on the condition you pay for the travel since it’s very out of my way and inconvenient.”
Potential Buyer: “That’s ridiculous! I’m not paying for your gas! This is horrible customer service! Why won’t you deliver for free?!”
Me: “Um, wow. Okay, well, in that case, I’m going to refuse you service. Good luck in your search. Please don’t message me again.”
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(The restaurant where I work has oil lanterns on each table, and they are lit everyday at four pm before we lower the lights for atmosphere. I am lighting all the lanterns. I approach a table and launch into my standard explanation.)
Me: “Hi there. Excuse me, I’m just going to lean in here and light the lantern real quick.”
Customer: “Is that in your job description?”
Me: *confused* “Um, yes.”
Customer: “Oh, okay.”
Me: *trying to make a joke* “I don’t just go around randomly lighting lanterns!”
Customer: “REALLY?!”
(The customer seemed to think I was only lighting the lanterns because I felt like it. I have no idea why!)
Customer: “What’s that white stuff on top of your bread?”
Me: “Oh, that’s flour.”
Customer: “Is that edible?”
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