10 Things Customers Say And What They Actually Mean

1. What time do you close?

I’m going to turn up a minute before you lock your doors to browse aimlessly for half an hour before returning fifteen items without the receipt.

2. I just have a simple question…

I’m about to ask you if this item contains any of this list of chemical ingredients that I’m allergic to in these precise combinations and if you don’t know the answer then I’m going to call your manager and get you fired.

3. I have the receipt.

I have a receipt, just not the right receipt.

4. You don’t need to see my ID.

I’m 17.

5. Please/Thank You.

(This is trick – customers don’t really say this)

6. I’d like to speak to your manager.

I’m an angry little person who is upset with my life and I’d like to take it out on you by lying to your manager about bad service that didn’t really happen but I’m too pathetic to deal with my own problems.

7. I’d like a discount.

I’m about to cause a scene until I get one.

8. What would you recommend as a good gift for a little boy?

It’s my brat of a nephew’s birthday today and I totally forgot and you need to select the perfect gift even though you don’t know him and I’ve forgotten his age, oh and I don’t want to spend a lot of money.

9. It’s such a shame you have to work the holidays.

I’m so glad you’re open as if I had to endure just one day not having the option of coming down here to make your lives a living hell then I’d panic and not know who else to vent on.

10. I’m never shopping here again!

You’ll see me tomorrow, maybe even later on today…