(My husband and I are regulars at a certain gas station that has an independent pizza chain inside. For the past month the gas station’s computers keep shutting down, effectively closing the gas station. However, the pizza place is still open. There are signs on the doors explaining the situation, bags on the pumps, two of the three entrances are locked, and the store area is barricaded. The lights are on, as employees are cleaning and waiting to help the computer staff. Two men around the same age as me (late 20s) come in.)

Customer #1: “How the f*** the store gonna be closed? I need my washer fluid!”

Customer #2: “I know, right? That’s f**** up! We should call the head people on their lazy a****!”

Me: “Did you see the signs, hon? Their computers are down for the second time this week. They can’t do anything without them.”

Customer #1: “Well, I need my stuff. This is f***** up! They should be open!”

Customer #2: “Why are they closed? Where the f*** are the signs?”

Me: “You mean like the ones on all three LOCKED doors? Or the bags on the pumps? Or maybe you missed the barricades to the main store area? They may even have signs on the pumps themselves.”

Customer #1: “What the f*** am I supposed to do now?!”

Me: “Well, you could try the gas station not two miles from here.”

Customer #2: “Ain’t nobody got time for that s***! We came here to buy s***!”

Me: “Or, you could stop complaining and buy pizza like the rest of us since you wanted to buy s***!”

(They turned around, shut up, and bought pizza!)

(I’m a supervisor at a retail office supply company that sells web hosting packages to the public. One of the perks of purchasing through our store and not direct from the web host is that the packages come with a setup feature that allows users who don’t know code to click and drag elements onto their page and create a professional looking site.)

Customer: “I want your deluxe web hosting package.”

Coworker: “That’ll be [total], and here’s a print out telling you how you can get started setting up your website at home! If you have any questions, just call the web host’s customer service number and they’ll be happy to help.”

(The client pays for his purchase, then stands at the register and stares at my coworker.)

Coworker: “Was there something else?”

Customer: “Well, obviously. I need to know when you’re going to design my site for me!”

Me: “Sir, those packages are designed so that customers can set everything up from home. That’s what makes them different from a lot of other companies who sell web hosting packages. You don’t need to know any code to set your site up. It’s really very easy and the web host’s customer service agents can help you if you get stuck!”

(The customer becomes angry.)

Customer: “You didn’t tell me I had to do it myself! I paid for a website package! You should set it up FOR me!”

Me: “Sir, what you paid for was the web domain, a custom email, and space on the Internet to display your information about your company. We’re just [Store] employees; we aren’t web designers.”

Customer: “Unacceptable! You can’t just sell website packages to people and expect them to do it themselves!”

(This continues in a similar fashion for several minutes, while my co-worker tries to explain the whole idea of the web host’s package and how it’s user-friendly, even for people without any experience with HTML or CSS. Eventually, I make a decision.)

Me: “Look, we generally aren’t supposed to do this, but we’ll make an exception this time. My associates will help you set up the site, but it costs an additional fee for every half hour they spend working on the site setup.”

(Thankfully we had a miscellaneous $29.99 UPC which we were permitted to use for generic computer repairs at the tech repair desk. This customer ended up paying roughly $1 USD per minute for something he could have easily done himself!)

(I work customer service via email for a large ticketing company, usually dealing with disabled customers in need of specialty seating.)

Customer: “I need an aisle seat for my husband.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we’re out of aisle seats for that event. Is there another way we could accommodate him?”

Customer: “Well, he can walk okay, but he has a bladder problem so he has to pee frequently. I just wanted an aisle seat so he could get in and out quickly. But I guess he could wear a poncho and pee under it at his seat into a mayo jar. You know, like on an airplane?”

Me: “…Um. Well… wait. LIKE ON AN AIRPLANE?!”

(We get quite a few kids at our library, which we encourage as it promotes literacy. Unfortunately, that does mean we get some unusual requests for books, and it doesn’t help that sometimes younger kids don’t pronounce things very well. Case in point…)

Kid: “Do you have any diarrhea books?”

Me: “…What?”

Kid: “Diarrhea books!”

Kid’s Mom: “He means Diary of a Wimpy Kid books.”

Me: “Oh, phew, good. The only ‘diarrhea’ book I know of is Everybody Poops. But Diary of a Wimpy Kid books are this way…”

(My store is located in a mall, and our front tables extend into the public area. The store has a rule that if a customer in the public area walks close enough, you have to greet them in hopes that it’ll lure them into the store. It’s about 6 pm on a Tuesday and I’m in my 20s, so it’s clear to customers that this is my full time job. I’m cleaning the table when a woman – who is a complete stranger to me – passes close enough.)

Me: “Hi, there!”

(The woman stops, looks at me, and walks up.)

Woman: “Working hard there?”

Me: *laughs* “Yeah, I guess.”

Woman: “Because you dropped out and didn’t finish school?”

(My jaw drops. As it happens, I did drop out of school, but I ended up better off than if I had stayed. I’m so shocked that this woman would go up to a stranger and say something so hurtful. My shock and knowledge that going off on her would get me fired makes me panic and lie.)

Me: “Actually, I’m in school at the moment.”

Woman: “Well, then you won’t have to be here much longer.”

(The woman winks and walks away. She looked at nothing in my store, which means she literally just came up to demean me for no reason whatsoever. I later tell my manager what happened.)

Manager: “For the record, you are my best employee. Anyone does that to you again and you have my full blessing to go off on them.”