(It’s the holiday season and I am Jewish. For the holidays I am allowed to wear a little pin dreidel that flashes little lights when I turn it on. Out of respect for other people’s differences of religion, I choose to opt out of saying “Merry Christmas” and instead just wish a “Happy Holidays” to everyone. A customer has just finished paying for their groceries and I have bagged everything myself, since we were short on baggers.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, you have a wonderful day and Happy Holidays!”

Customer: “No, young lady! You said it wrong! It is not Happy Holidays; it’s Merry Christmas! Honestly! You need to quit being such a terrorist! People like you are tearing this country apart!”

Me: *very confused* “Excuse me? How am I a terrorist?!

Customer: “You need to learn how to accept Christ and the Constitution in your heart and stop this hateful and destructive behavior! We need to keep the Christ in Christmas!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I am sorry if I offended you. But, Jewish and I don’t celebrate Christmas. I just try to—”

Customer: *cutting me off* “OH, MY GOD!! Does your manager know?!”

(She scoffs and leaves the store muttering how she’s never going to shop here again. The customer behind her walks up to the register shaking his head.)

Customer #2: “Christ and the Constitution? Apparently she doesn’t know what the First Amendment is.”

(I work at a convenience store that sells coffee in different flavors. One of my regulars comes in every day and gets a pot of blueberry coffee, so I nickname her Ms. Blueberry, and make sure to always have that flavor ready when she comes in. We have just gotten a shipment of St. Jude charity plush bears for the holidays.)

Ms. Blueberry: *holding up a bear* “This is cute!”

Me: “Yeah, they’re really soft, and for a good cause. A portion of the proceeds goes to the St. Jude Children’s Fund. I’m considering getting one some time.”

Ms. Blueberry: “That so? Just the coffee today.”

(She puts the bear down, pays for her coffee, and enjoys a bit more banter, then leaves. The next day, she’s back as usual. She brings her coffee to the counter and puts one of the bears up with it.)

Ms. Blueberry: “This, too.”

Me: “All right, your total is [total].”

Ms. Blueberry: *handing me her total* “The bear’s for you. Merry Christmas!”

Me: “Really? Wow, thank you!”

(I didn’t stay at that job much longer, but seeing my regulars, especially her, made the job more bearable [pardon the pun] and even, at times, enjoyable. I named the bear Blueberry, and I still have him!)

(As it is December, our store has various different kinds of Christmas trees for sale. We have one of each model fully assembled for display.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me if this is the four-foot tree or the six-foot tree?”

(She points to a small Christmas tree that is level with my chest. I am about 5’11”.)

Me: “That’s definitely the four-foot tree.”

Customer: “Are you sure that it’s the four-foot tree? It’s definitely not the six-foot tree?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, that tree is definitely four feet tall.”

Customer: “How can you be sure?”

Me: “Because a six-foot tree would be taller than me.”

Customer: “Oh! I can’t believe I said that!”

(The customer’s husband, who was with us the whole time and has never spoken a word, was trying his hardest not to laugh.)

(It’s the holiday season, and we’re at a crowded store when we overhear this conversation.)

Lady: “Excuse me, can you tell me where to find [item]?”

Worker: *gives directions* “Here, let me show you—”

Lady: “That’s all right. I’m sure you’ve walked about twenty miles already today.” *walks off before the worker can respond*

Worker: *somewhat to herself, smiling* “Yes, I have.”

(Needless to say, my mom and I were quite impressed with this lady!)

(It’s near to closing time at our antique store, and I’m at the front counter alone while my coworker takes a bathroom break. A woman comes in with a man, presumably her boyfriend; she goes upstairs while the man browses near the desk. I hear a guitar-like sound and look up to see that the man is strumming on a homemade banjo-like instrument which is labeled, ‘PLEASE DO NOT PLAY.’)

Me: “Sir, please don’t touch that.”

Man: *politely* “I’m sorry. I thought it was for sale.”

Me: “It is, but the dealer put that sign on it because it’s really fragile.”

Man: “Okay. Sorry.”

(The man wanders off upstairs. My coworker returns, and I gather up the paperwork to do the end-of-day report in the office. As I head back, the woman comes stomping down the stairs with the man behind her. She brandishes a small glass lamp.)

Woman: *angrily* “I TOUCHED this, but since I’m BUYING it, I guess it’s okay, right?”

Me: *stunned* “Ma’am, we don’t mind at all, but sometimes dealers put signs on more delicate or expensive items to help prevent accidents. I’m sorry.”

(The lady proceeds to the counter. I put the paperwork in the office and return to the front, sensing that the customer will be trouble. Sure enough, the woman is muttering under her breath and glaring. I help my coworker wrap the lamp and give it to the woman. She and the man make their way toward the door. My coworker, who is a sweet elderly lady and perfectly polite, notices that the customer has left her receipt crumpled on the counter.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, you forgot your receipt!”

Woman: *whirls to face us* “No, I don’t WANT it. You can put it in the TRASH, along with that piece of s*** over there!” *points at the instrument*

Me: “…Have a wonderful day. And a Merry Christmas.”

Woman: “Yeah, yeah, you too!” *leaves*

(The man never said a word!)