Can We Get Anymore Clueless?

, , | Right | February 29, 2008

Customer: “I want to buy these pans that I saw on sale online.”

Me: “Alright, ma’am, what brand are they?”

Customer: “I don’t know that!”

Me: “Okay… how much are they?”

Customer: “I don’t know that either!”

Me: “Do you perhaps have a photo of the pans?”

Customer: “I didn’t have time to do that!”

Me: “Alright, ma’am, sometimes things sold online are not sold in store.”

Customer: “All I know is that they were at this store and they were different colors.”

Me: “What colors were the pans?”

Customer: “I don’t remember!”

(I show her every pot and pan set that was a different color from the norm. E.g., orange, green, and blue. Of course, that wasn’t what she wanted. She picks out an item that wasn’t even close to like she wanted in the first place. She goes to put the item in her cart, but she had lots of stuff in her cart and it doesn’t fit.)

Customer: “What am I supposed to do, it doesn’t fit in my cart!”

(She acted like it was my fault the stuff didn’t fit. I guess I was supposed to shrink the box for her.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, why don’t you take some stuff out. Put the big stuff on the bottom and the small stuff on the top.”

Customer: *looks at me like a deer in the headlights*

(I was paged to another area of the store and walked away from her. I’m sure I would have punched her otherwise.)

1 Thumbs
1,560

The Great Doll Heist of ’08

, , | Right | February 29, 2008

(I was working in the back, getting things ready for the next floor set, and I had to pull some mannequins from the floor and dress them. I was dragging one of the full-body forms towards the back, when a customer approached me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

(Note that I’m wearing the uniform and I still have a headset in my ear.)

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m stealing this mannequin.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. thanks.”

(She turns around to find someone else to help her.)

1 Thumbs
3,316

Not Quite What Disney Had In Mind

, | Right | February 29, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cinema]. How can I help you?”

Some Stoner: “Yeah. Do you have any funny movies?”

Me: “Sure…”

(I go through the list of comedies.)

Stoner: “Oh. I watched Toy Story today while I was high. That was pretty funny, seeing those toys running around all f**ked up. Do you have anything like that?”

(I put down the phone for a moment to stifle my laugh.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we do not have any drug-induced movies playing right now.”

Stoner: “Oh. Well, uh… I’m gonna watch Toy Story 2 now.”

(Stoner hangs up.)

1 Thumbs
1,442

Endlessly Loopy

, , , | Right | February 28, 2008

Man on phone: “Hi, I don’t think this DVD is working properly.”

Me: “What happened, exactly?”

Man on phone: “We put it in and it plays, but the movie is only a couple minutes long and then it starts over again.”

Me: “Are there any words on the screen?”

Man on phone: “Yes. The title of the movie and some other things.”

Me: “Is there a word that says Play or Play Movie?”

Man on phone: “Yes.”

Me: “Just hit the play button on your remote control or DVD player.”

Man on phone: “Wow! Thanks! It’s doing something else now. I just thought it was a short movie.”

1 Thumbs
1,775

Effective Excuses, Vol. 1

, , | Right | February 28, 2008

(A female comes into the bar and asks to use the toilets.)

Me: “Sorry, toilets are for customer use only.”

Her: “I just started my period. If you don’t let me use the toilet, I’m going to bleed all over your floor.”

Me: “First door on the left.”

1 Thumbs
7,165