Today, All My Questions Shall Be Stupid

, , | Right | December 17, 2007

Customer: “What size is this rug?”

Me: *reading label* “54” x 72″.”

Customer: “So how big is that?”

Me: “In centimetres? It’s…”

Customer: “No, in inches.”

Me: “It’s 54 inches x 72 inches.”

Customer: “OK. And what colour is it?”

Me: “Lilac.”

Customer: “Right… and would it look good in my lounge?”

Me: “I don’t know… I’ve never seen your lounge.”

Customer: “No, I guess you haven’t. Do you think I have room for it?”

Me: “…”

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Shove It Up Your Asana

, , | Right | December 16, 2007

Customer: “I’d like to have this book.” *holding a yoga book about relaxation with discount sticker on it*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. There seems to have been a mistake here. The book is to be sold at full price. The sticker was put on it by mistake.”

Customer: *A bit frustrated* “Can I get a discount anyway?”

Me: “I’ll see what I can do.” *trying to change the price in the register* “I’m sorry. This book has a locked price.”

Customer: “Well, shove it up your a**hole, then!” *storms out*

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A Good Time To Excuse Yourself

, , | Right | December 15, 2007

(I and others overhear this conversation between an employee and a customer.)

Employee: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I would like to return this.” (Heaves a large propane tank, the kind used for barbecue grills, onto the counter.)

Employee: “Why?”

Customer: “It’s leaking.”

(At this point, all within earshot — four managers, the employee, three other employees, I, and two other customers — slowly turned our heads towards the leaking tank, careful not to make any sudden movements.)

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Dude, That Must Be Some Strong Weed

, , | Right | December 15, 2007

(It is the early 1970s. I make a key for a guy who lost his car keys in the mall parking lot.)

Me: “Well, that will be $10.00 for the key and labor, but another key will be only 79 cents.”

Customer: “Ah, no, man, I need my money to get my weed.”

(A week later, same deal. I have to go out in the rain and make the same guy another key.)

Me: “Well, I’m sure that now you will get an extra key?”

Customer: “Ah, no, man, I need my money to get my weed.”

(I could spot a trend, so I made another key anyway and hung it up in the shop. Over the next six months he was back a dozen times. Each time I just copied the key hanging in the shop and charged him for the lock-work and the key. He never bought a second key. I guess the weed finally got him.)

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Y, Will, Y Will, Rock U!

, , | Right | December 14, 2007

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I wanna know if you have any Y’s in stock?” *pronouncing it ‘Why’*

Me: “Y’s? I don’t know what that is.”

Customer: “The Y’s! You know, the Y’s!”

Me: “You mean the Wii?”

Customer: “Yeah, whatever.”

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