(I’m a manager at a large wireless cell phone provider. One of my employees is at the door.)

Employee: “Welcome to [Store]. How I can help you?”

Guest: “Yes, do you guys have a phone book?”

Employee: “No, but I can look up a number for you as long as it is not listed in the white pages.”

Guest: “I need the number for [Local Pizza Place].”

Employee: *pulls out his smart phone and searches number* “The number is [number]. Would you like me to write that down for you?”

Guest: “No, I’ll just save it in my phone.” *pulls out her smart phone and enters the number* “Thank you so much! Do you just have all those numbers saved in your phone?”

Employee: “Uh… no, I looked it up on Google.”

Guest: “You mean to tell me I could have looked it up on my phone? I drove all the way to the mall for no reason?” *starts yelling* “WHY DIDN’T THEY TELL ME I COULD USE MY PHONE LIKE THAT?!”

Employee: “I’m sorry, miss. I can show you how…”

Guest: “Oh, never mind! I have to get home to order pizza for delivery!” *storms out of store*

Me: “Well, that was interesting.”

Employee: “Good thing we keep all those numbers saved in our phones!”

(In the large multi-specialty clinic where I work, our endocrinologist sometimes orders a complex test that involves getting blood drawn at our lab downstairs, getting an injection in our clinic immediately afterwards, and then getting blood drawn again right after to see how the body reacted to the injection. The timing has to be very precise and this is all explained to the patient beforehand. My coworker sees that a patient has checked in for her injection up at the front desk, so she prepares the injection and goes to call the patient back — but the patient is nowhere to be found.)

Coworker: *to the receptionist* “Did you see where [Patient] went?”

Receptionist: “No, she just… disappeared.”

(My coworker returns to the back office and waits to see if the patient shows up. After 20 minutes with no sign of her, she calls the patient. I can’t hear their conversation, but as my coworker is speaking, she facepalms dramatically and rolls her eyes at me. When she hangs up…)

Coworker: “So, I asked her where she went, and she said, ‘Oh, I had some things to do, and I’d been waiting a while, so I went home.'”

Me: “But she’d only been waiting like 10 minutes! And she already got the first blood draw done!”

Coworker: “I know! And now this injection is wasted. I told her her insurance would probably make her pay for it, and she just laughed it off and said she didn’t think so. Bet she won’t be laughing when she sees her bill.”

(I work at a large, well-known craft store in the framing department. My official title is custom framer, but we occasionally get lost or needy customers at our counter, especially when it’s busy. While I am assisting a few customers at once (pulling frames, fetching ready-made’s from the sales floor, etc), a very aggressive middle-aged woman approaches me.)

Me: *carrying two large frames* “Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Are all of your frames on sale?”

Me: “No, not all of them. The sale sign in front of the frames will say which ones are on sale. Like, for example, this sign—” *points to one of our very bright red sales signs with big bold lettering* “—says that the Memorial collection frames are on sale. The label on the frame—” *points to frame* “—says what collection it belongs to.”

Customer: *snippy tone* “Oh. I see.”

(Believing I had sufficiently helped her, I return to assisting customers back at the frame counter.)

Same Customer: *calling from the aisle* “Excellent customer service by the way!”

Me: *confused* “No problem!”

(Later on, I hear that the same lady went to our store manager and angrily complained that I had made her feel stupid by telling her to read.)

(There is a power outage in the middle of the day. For some unknown reason, we are always one of the few with power, which means the whole city comes over to hang out since we have books and coffee. Of course, this means we have lines and lines of people anxious for the warmth of coffee and food.)

Coworker: “Next in line, please!”

Customer: “I would like a caramel macchiato and a spinach and artichoke quiche.”

Coworker: “All right, that adds to $10.12, please! And your food and drink will be right at the end.”

(We switch off who is doing what since it is so busy and I am making the drinks. After a little while we have her food and drink ready to go.)

Me: “Okay, I have spinach and artichoke quiche and a caramel macchiato!”

(Customer looks at her order clearly not satisfied.)

Me: “Is something wrong?”

Customer: “I wanted to eat this here.”

Coworker: “We’ve been really busy because we’re one of the few businesses not without power, so we ran out of plates. You can still eat it here if you would like.”

Customer: *clearly still not satisfied* “If I want this on a plate, I should be able to get this on a plate. Who is the manager tonight?”

Coworker: *says our manager’s name* “Would you like to speak to her?”

(Somehow my coworker still has a smile on her face even with how much we’ve had to do all night. I don’t know how she does it. The customer grunts, takes the bag and drink and walks away. Later that night, as my manager and coworker are getting ready to close, nearly having to kick people out in the process…)

Customer: “Are you [Manager]?”

Manager: “Yes, I am. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I have a complaint to make. You need to fix the behaviors of your employees. If a customer asks for a plate, they deserve to get a plate.”

Manager: “Well, would you rather eat on a dirty plate or in a nice, clean bag?”

Customer: *looks appalled* “Why would you give me such an attitude?”

Manager: “Sorry, but it’s now 10. We are closing up and you have to leave.”

Customer: “Whatever!” *slowly walks away*

Manager: *with a smile* “Have a good night!”

(Apparently this customer does this a lot. She always has a complaint to make about our business, yet she always comes back. We also had a customer stand up to this rude lady customer and tell our manager that we gave excellent service, especially for it being so busy in the middle of a power outage. Mind you, we had actually forgotten her food because of all the chaos, so that part restored my faith in humanity!)

(I work on drive-thru. I have a bit of a reputation for acting silly with customers, usually because I work the late-night weekend shifts and therefore talk to a lot of drunk people.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. Can I please take your order?”

Customer: *confused, obviously caught out* “Ah, ah – f***!”

Me: *not missing a beat* “That’ll cost extra, sir.”