(It’s the interval, so we’re busy behind the bar. I witness an exchange between a patron and a colleague. The patron is brandishing a £5 note.)

Patron: “Young man, you’ve short changed me! I gave you a £20 note!”

Colleague: “Are you sure, ma’am? Your change was £14; I would have given you a £10 note and coins. You’ve got a £10 note right there; are you sure that’s not the one I gave you?”

Patron: “This is what you’ve given me! Give me my money back! This is terrible service!”

(Not sure what to do, my colleague calls over a senior assistant for help. She opens his till.)

Senior Assistant: “Give the patron what she wants.”

(My colleague reluctantly hands the woman a further £5.)

Colleague: “Here’s your money; sorry about the mix-up.”

Patron: “Well? Aren’t you going to apologize?”

Colleague: “Excuse me?”

Patron: “You should apologize to me for giving such terrible service!”

Colleague: “Uh… I’m sorry.”

Patron: “No, you’re not. This is the worst service I’ve ever had at a bar!”

(When we cash up at the end of the night, surprise surprise, the till is £5 down. So not only was this woman rude and abrasive, but she was a thief as well. The kicker? Our manager said that we should have waited until after cashing up to see whether or not we should have given her any money… and the senior assistant who told us to agreed!)

(My cousin looks like any normal Caucasian woman, but she has married into our Vietnamese family and can understand Vietnamese pretty well. She goes to a beauty store to pick up some nail polish, where the employees are Vietnamese.)

Cousin: “Hi, can I get a price on this nail polish?”

(Employee #1 turns to Employee #2, and starts speaking in Vietnamese.)

Employee #1: “How much should I charge her?”

Employee #2: “Just tell her it’s [overcharged price]. She’s a white girl; there’s no way she can know.”

(My cousin slams the nail polish on the counter, and responds to them both also in Vietnamese.)

Cousin: “Keep your nail polish! The white girl does know!”

(The employees were speechless as she stormed out of the shop!)

(I am working the queue for a regional bank, when an absolutely furious customer calls in.)

Caller: “I want to cancel my account RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Can I get some information from you to pull up your account?”

Caller: “Let me tell you WHY I am canceling my account. I went down to my branch today and do you know who you have working for you? A god-d*** [homophobic slur]. I refuse to do business with a bank who hires such immoral abominations against God! If you want to keep my business, you’ll have that flaming f** fired ASAP!”

Me: “Ma’am, the federal law states we cannot discriminate against a person’s sexual preference. So, no, we will not fire him simply because he is a homosexual. Secondly, in order to close your account, you’ll need to go down to your local branch. There are some documents the law requires you to sign.”

Caller: “This is bull-s***! Who do I talk to at the branch?”

Me: “You’d speak to the manager… the gay manager. He’s the only one who can close your account.”

(In our college cafeteria, you can eat as much as you want. I make and cook and cut pizza and serve it on a tray, where students can serve themselves. I have just made two cheese pizzas and put one of them on the serving tray. I have made a backup due to the lunch rush. Two students approach.)

Student #1: “Excuse me; do you have any fresh pizza?”

Me: “The one that is there came out of the oven less than five minutes ago. I’m sure it’s quite good.”

Student #2: “But there’s two pieces missing.”

Me: “Well, someone came and took some pizza since I put it out.”

Student #1: “I want some fresh pizza. Why can’t you give me a piece of the one you have there?”

(The student points to the pizza I just put in the hot box that is used to keep food warm.)

Me: “That pizza came out of the oven at the same time as the one that’s out on the tray.”

Student #1: “But it’s been sitting out.”

Me: “For less than five minutes.”

Student #2: “Fine. Whatever b****.”

(I turn my back to continue making pizzas, when my manager approaches.)

Manager: “Hey, you need to get another cheese pizza out, pronto!”

Me: “Already? I just put one out!”

(A coworker approaches us.)

Coworker: “Dude, did you see what happened?”

Manager: “What?”

Coworker: “Those girls each took four pieces of pizza when your back was turned and threw it out so they could get ‘fresher’ pizza.”

Me: “Are you serious?!”

Coworker: “Yeah! Here they come!”

Student #2: “Do you have a fresh pizza out?”

Manager: “Did you just take an entire pizza and throw it out so that you could get a different one?”

Student #1: “Well she wasn’t serving fresh pizza!”

Coworker: “She’s lying! [My Name] had put that pizza out maybe two minutes before they came here. Two pieces were missing because the guy in front of them took them.”

Manager: “We’re going to have to have a little chat about wasting perfectly good food.”

(My manager had a long talk with the girls and got them to admit that they threw out an entire pizza. After that, my manager gave me permission to refuse service to those two. Thankfully, I never saw them again anyway.)

(The pregnancy clinic is running at the same time as normal GP hours. The waiting room contains three pregnant women, including myself, and a tiny very old lady.)

Old Lady: “Why is SHE going in now? I was here first!”

Receptionist: “She’s seeing the midwife.”

Old Lady: “But I was here first!”

Receptionist: “Yes, but the midwife only deals with pregnant ladies.”

Old Lady: “ARE YOU SAYING I’M NOT A LADY?!”

Receptionist: “No, but you aren’t pregnant are you?”

Old Lady: “I don’t see how that’s any of your business!”