Straight-Talking Money

(I am working the queue for a regional bank, when an absolutely furious customer calls in.)

Caller: “I want to cancel my account RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Can I get some information from you to pull up your account?”

Caller: “Let me tell you WHY I am canceling my account. I went down to my branch today and do you know who you have working for you? A god-d*** [homophobic slur]. I refuse to do business with a bank who hires such immoral abominations against God! If you want to keep my business, you’ll have that flaming f** fired ASAP!”

Me: “Ma’am, the federal law states we cannot discriminate against a person’s sexual preference. So, no, we will not fire him simply because he is a homosexual. Secondly, in order to close your account, you’ll need to go down to your local branch. There are some documents the law requires you to sign.”

Caller: “This is bull-s***! Who do I talk to at the branch?”

Me: “You’d speak to the manager… the gay manager. He’s the only one who can close your account.”