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Really Tee’d Off Over Closing Time

, , , | Right | September 1, 2014

(I work in a bar at my local golf club. We have closed at 7:00 pm for years now. I’ve just collected the last glasses and pulled the shutters down over the bar apart from the one which allows me to get in and out. I’m in the middle of cashing down the day’s takings.)

Customer: *at 7:30* “Are you open?”

Me: *dumbfounded* “No, sir. We closed about half an hour ago and I’m just finishing the last of my tasks behind the bar.”

Customer: “Well, you should be open for people like me who like to be the last to tee off on the course in the day!” *walks off in a huff*


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Lacks The Power To Comprehend

| Right | September 1, 2014

(One morning there is an electrical fire under the city streets that blows out power to the entire downtown core. Our store is completely closed, dark, and the roads are blocked off by the hydro company and firefighters who are tackling manhole fires. People still managed to get to our doors nonetheless. One tries to come in behind our manager as she is returning and locking the door.)

Customer: “I just need my coffee. Two milk, two sugar, please.”

Manager: “Sorry, sir, we’re closed. We have no power.”

Customer: “That’s fine. Just pour the coffee and give me the rest on the side.”

Manager: “Sorry, but we have no coffee right now and we won’t be open until at least noon.”

Customer: “How do you not have coffee?”

Manager:“Because we’re closed. We haven’t had power for three hours.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just ask them to turn it on quick?” *points to the city hydro truck and workers on the street*

Manager: “They said it won’t be back until at least noon.”

Customer: “Can I just come in and see what you have?”

Manager: “We have no power, so we can’t use our tills, or sell you anything here.”

Customer: “I’ll just start going to the other store, then!” *the other store is two blocks down, also without power*

Manager: “Sure. Have a good day.”

(The outage lasted about nine hours and knocked out every utility in radius of about 10-15 blocks in the core of downtown, including stores, traffic lights, and even complete road closures due to fires. People still couldn’t comprehend that we couldn’t sell them coffee all day.)

A Strange(r) Conversation

| Friendly | August 31, 2014

(One day I ride my bike across a bridge. From the other side an old man approaches on his bike. I’ve never seen this man before. We pass each other in the middle.)

Him: *shouts* “You dirty whore!”

Me: *shouting back* “You old fart!”

(We both continue on our way, cycling away from each other, never to meet again.)

You Are Mostly Dead To Me

| Learning | August 31, 2014

Student #1: “You know how we had to write a movie review about our favorite movie for [English Teacher]’s class?”

Student #2: “Yeah, what about it?”

Student #1: “I did mine on The Princess Bride. Today, [English Teacher] called me up and told me I had to redo it because she had never heard of that movie and thought I had just made it up.”

Student #2: “She never saw The Princess Bride? That’s just… inconceivable!”

(Both students start laughing uncontrollably.)

Not Quite Singing You Praises

| Romantic | August 31, 2014

(We just got home, and my partner puts on some music. I give him a questioning look.)

Partner: “It’s too quiet.”

Me: ‘But I can sing for you!”

Partner: “You can’t sing.”

(I feel a bit hurt and pout, pulling my top lower to expose more cleavage.)

Me: “How dare you say that to the owner of these boobs you love!”

(He reaches out and grabs them both.)

Partner: “Luckily your boobs can’t sing either.”