(I teach second grade. I give my students magazines and ask them to find articles to write about. One student approaches me with his magazine.)

Student: “I found an article! Right there!”

Me: “Great! Do you like that article?”

Student: “Um… yes?”

Me: “If you aren’t sure about it, you can go look for another one that you like more.”

(The student returns a minute later.)

Student: “I found another article. The.”

Me: “So do you like that article?”

Student: “I don’t know! It’s just the. The, the, the.”

Me: “Why are you saying ‘the’? Do you want to write about that article or not?”

Student: “I don’t know how to write about ‘the’ ”

(Then it hits me that a few days ago I had taught them about the articles in English; a, an, and the.)

Me: “Not that kind of article!”

(My boyfriend and I are cuddling after a long and tiring day at work.)

Boyfriend: “You know, you’re really good at ruining romantic moments.”

Me: “Hey! Why would you say that?”

Boyfriend: “Because when we were kissing earlier you started trying to eat my nose. If the person you’re with is afraid that they’re going to be eaten, you’re doing something wrong.”

Me: “It’s not like I was actually trying to eat it…”

Boyfriend: “Hmmm, see, I’m not so sure about that.”

Me: “But you love me!”

Boyfriend: “…yeah.”

Me: “You’re my little moose potato!”

Boyfriend: “Moose potato? Did you just grab two random words out of the air and put them together?”

Me: “Yup!”

Boyfriend: “I like it.”

(My boyfriend and I are sitting on his couch so that we face each other. As we talk, I notice he keeps glancing down at my cleavage, which is pushed up by the corset I’m wearing over a low-cut lacy top.)

Me: *snapping my fingers in front of his face* “Hey, I was talking to you.”

Boyfriend: “I know but so were your breasts.”

(He suddenly lunges forward and tries in vain to shove my breasts down into the corset.)

Me: *laughing* “What on earth was that?”

Boyfriend: “Your breasts were crying out to me!” *he speaks in a high-pitched voice* “Help us! We’re being strangled!”

Me: *covering my face with both hands as I shake my head and laugh* “I can’t believe you just did that.”

Boyfriend: *reaches behind me and pulls at my corset laces* “I must save your breasts from suffocating!”

(My boyfriend has been working long days at a physical job. He comes into the bedroom and flops down face first on the bed.)

Me: “So, no sexy time tonight?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah. Just roll me over and I’m good to go.”

(In middle school and high school I had a constant crush on my friend. After high school we pretty much stopped talking, and I finally got over him and started a serious relationship. Two years later, he tells me he wants to hang out as friends, and asks if I’m free for dinner. Sometime during the evening…)

Me: “I hope this isn’t weird to say, but I think it’s pretty funny that two full years after I’ve gotten over you, you FINALLY ask me out to dinner.”

Him: *laughs* “Oh don’t worry, I was thinking the same thing.”