Archive for 2013

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Letting The Relationship Go Down The Toilet

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Romantic | October 24, 2013

(I have left very little toilet paper on the roll, and my fiancée is in the bathroom.)

Fiancée: “Honey, there’s no toilet paper!”

(I get her another roll, as it’s in the hall closet.)

Me: “Sorry for leaving you high and dry like that!”

Fiancée: “No, you DIDN’T leave me dry! That’s the problem here!”

If He Only Had A Brain

| USA | Romantic | October 24, 2013

(I’m in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend, chatting on IM. She’s just told me it’s getting very windy outside her house, and they’re expecting a severe storm.)

Me: “Just stay safe, okay?”

Girlfriend: “I will. I’m staying inside.”

Me: “Dorothy did that, and look where it got her.”

Do Ask, Do Tell

| MI, USA | Learning | October 24, 2013

(I’m in a civilization class. We’re talking about ancient people of the Mediterranean.)

Teacher: “…and it’s suggested that some practiced homosexuality.”

Student #1: “Ew!”

Student #2: *to Student #1* “Really?”

Teacher: “If you have a problem with that, you’re not really going to like when we discuss the more warlike cultures. They believed having such relations on the battlefield made them better warriors.”

(The class, while not disgusted like Student #1, still takes a few seconds to try to figure out that logic. Then, one of the more spaced-out students speaks up.)

Student #3: “Does that mean prisoners could be considered great warriors?”

Teacher: “I’m not going to answer that.”

They’re Not On The Same Wavelength

| NY, USA | Learning | October 24, 2013

(I am in chemistry class, doing class work on UV rays when one of my classmates pokes me.)

Me: “Yes?”

Classmate: “I don’t get this question.”

Me: *reads* “Why can’t you get a tan from a radio?”

(The classmate just stares at me blankly.)

Me: “Okay, well… do radios emit sunlight?”

Classmate: “…wha?”

Me: “Do radios emit sunlight?”

Classmate: “No?”

Me: “Have you ever seen a radio emit sunlight?”

Classmate: “No?”

Me: “Wonderful, so a radio doesn’t emit UV rays; it emits radio waves.”

Classmate: “Huh?”

Me: “…hence the name ‘radio?'”

Classmate: “OHHHHHH!”

Real Music Has Shades Of Grey

| SD, USA | Learning | October 24, 2013

(I teach elementary music. We have just looked at a picture of our new composer of the month. The picture is in black and white.)

Me: “Now, this composer is not actually that old. In fact, he died about the same year your parents were born.”

Student: “Wait! My dad was born in black and white!?”

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