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Fifty Shades Of Grey

| FL, USA | Working | October 24, 2013

(A coworker and I are working on stocking makeup. We are discussing the strange names shades of nail polish have like ‘back to the fuchsia’ and ‘sugar daddy.’)

Me: “Let’s get naked!”

(My coworker’s eyes go wide.)

Me: “No no no, that’s the name of this color!”

Coworker: “Oh, thank god!”

Gunning For The Answer

| AK, USA | Working | October 24, 2013

(I’m a new hire. I am attending the training classes with five other new hires. The supervisor finishes a lecture on safety and emergencies.)

Supervisor: “And in the highly unlikely event of a robbery, don’t try to be a hero. Just do what the guy says, and give him what he wants. Then you call me, and I’ll take it from there. Are there any questions?”

New Hire: “Uh, yeah, what if he has a gun?”

Supervisor: “Then you do as he says.”

New Hire: “What if he SAYS he has a gun, but he’s only pretending?”

Supervisor: “Then you do as he says.”

New Hire: “What if he says he has no gun, but he still demands the money?”

Supervisor: *visibly agitated* “You do as he says.”

New Hire: “Okay, but what if he doesn’t have a gun, but he does have a knife, and he—”

Supervisor: “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! YOUR SAFETY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN A LITTLE MONEY! DO AS HE SAYS!”

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Not Acting Tip-Top

| Working | October 24, 2013

A Big Tip

| Working | October 24, 2013

big-tip

No Vocation For Location, Part 8

| OH, USA | Related | October 24, 2013

(Our family home-schools, and my mom challenges my brother and I to draw a map of the world for a geography class. She decides to do this after dinner, so that my dad and grandmother can participate.)

Mom: “Alright, Mama, let’s see your map.”

(Grandma shows us her map, which, in addition to the standard continents, has one in the Arctic circle labelled ‘Arctica.’)

Me:“Grandma…”

Grandma: “Well, in school when I was growing up, Europe and Asia were combined into Eurasia, but we still learned that there were seven continents, so I thought—”

Me: “—that South America didn’t exist?”

(She’s never been able to live that one down.)

 

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