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We Built This Biddy On Rock And Roll, Part 2

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Related | October 24, 2013

(I’m 16, and deeply invested in classic rock music. My grandmother, my mother, and I are in a store that sells wares that appeal to the hippie or stoner demographic. They’re looking at t-shirts, while I’m looking at posters. The store is full of Pink Floyd merchandise.)

Grandma: “This Pink Floyd guy must be pretty popular. Look at all these t-shirts with his name on them!”

(My mom and I, both big Pink Floyd fans, look at her for a while.)

Mom: “Uh, Mom? Pink Floyd is a band.”

(Unable to resist, I lean over to my mother and whisper a line from a song by Pink Floyd.)

Me: “Oh, by the way… which one’s Pink?”

Mom: *cracks up laughing*

Grandma: “…I don’t get it.”

(My grandma still thinks Pink Floyd is just a guy.)

 

Up To Monkey-Business

| Tomahawk, KY, USA | Related | October 24, 2013

(I am a young child. My grandpa is telling me about the neighbors.)

Grandpa: “You know, that lady who lives beside us had a pet monkey. When it died, she ate it. Stay away from her.”

(Several years pass. I am now an adult.)

Me: “Yeah, Mom, I was thinking the other day about Mrs. [Name], and how she ate her pet monkey.”

Mom: “Who told you that? She loved that monkey. I gave her a doll blanket to bury him in. She even had a little tombstone made for him.”

Me: “Dang, Pawpaw was an a**-hole.”

Mom: “Yes.”

Dating A Different Class

| York, England, UK | Romantic | October 24, 2013

Date: “Were you Blur or Oasis?”

Me: “Pulp!”

Date: “Yup, you’ll do!”

Give Him The Gift Of Remembrance

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Romantic | October 24, 2013

(It is our first anniversary together, and my boyfriend and I are walking through a park. My boyfriend is notorious for forgetting things.)

Me: “Here, honey! I bought you a gift!”

(I hand him a really expensive watch that he wants.)

Boyfriend: “Oh my god! Thank you!”

(I wait expectantly for my gift. He just stares at me.)

Me: “[Boyfriend], did you forget it was our anniversary?”

Boyfriend: “Uh… no! I left your gift in the car. Hang on!”

(He runs off in the opposite direction to the car and comes back. He hands me a rock.)

Me: “You forgot?”

Boyfriend: “I forgot.”

Letting The Relationship Go Down The Toilet

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Romantic | October 24, 2013

(I have left very little toilet paper on the roll, and my fiancée is in the bathroom.)

Fiancée: “Honey, there’s no toilet paper!”

(I get her another roll, as it’s in the hall closet.)

Me: “Sorry for leaving you high and dry like that!”

Fiancée: “No, you DIDN’T leave me dry! That’s the problem here!”

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