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No Vocation For Location, Part 8

| OH, USA | Related | October 24, 2013

(Our family home-schools, and my mom challenges my brother and I to draw a map of the world for a geography class. She decides to do this after dinner, so that my dad and grandmother can participate.)

Mom: “Alright, Mama, let’s see your map.”

(Grandma shows us her map, which, in addition to the standard continents, has one in the Arctic circle labelled ‘Arctica.’)


Grandma: “Well, in school when I was growing up, Europe and Asia were combined into Eurasia, but we still learned that there were seven continents, so I thought—”

Me: “—that South America didn’t exist?”

(She’s never been able to live that one down.)

No Vocation For Location, Part 7

I Think I’m Turning Japanese

| Peachtree City, GA, USA | Related | October 24, 2013

(I’ve just finished telling my mom about a boy at school that I have a crush on, who has asked me to hang out one day after school. I’m 14, and my little sister, who has been listening the entire time, is 7.)

Mom: “I think it’s great that you might have a boyfriend, honey.”

Sister: “Yeah, well, I have a boyfriend too, mama.”

Me: *snorts* “Yeah, right.”

Sister: “I DO! I have a boyfriend! He’s from China.”

Me: “Yeah? Well, what’s his name?”

(My little sister thinks for a second, then sports a giant grin.)

Sister: “Tokyo!”

We Built This Biddy On Rock And Roll, Part 2

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Related | October 24, 2013

(I’m 16, and deeply invested in classic rock music. My grandmother, my mother, and I are in a store that sells wares that appeal to the hippie or stoner demographic. They’re looking at t-shirts, while I’m looking at posters. The store is full of Pink Floyd merchandise.)

Grandma: “This Pink Floyd guy must be pretty popular. Look at all these t-shirts with his name on them!”

(My mom and I, both big Pink Floyd fans, look at her for a while.)

Mom: “Uh, Mom? Pink Floyd is a band.”

(Unable to resist, I lean over to my mother and whisper a line from a song by Pink Floyd.)

Me: “Oh, by the way… which one’s Pink?”

Mom: *cracks up laughing*

Grandma: “…I don’t get it.”

(My grandma still thinks Pink Floyd is just a guy.)

We Built This Biddy On Rock And Roll

Up To Monkey-Business

| Tomahawk, KY, USA | Related | October 24, 2013

(I am a young child. My grandpa is telling me about the neighbors.)

Grandpa: “You know, that lady who lives beside us had a pet monkey. When it died, she ate it. Stay away from her.”

(Several years pass. I am now an adult.)

Me: “Yeah, Mom, I was thinking the other day about Mrs. [Name], and how she ate her pet monkey.”

Mom: “Who told you that? She loved that monkey. I gave her a doll blanket to bury him in. She even had a little tombstone made for him.”

Me: “Dang, Pawpaw was an a**-hole.”

Mom: “Yes.”

Dating A Different Class

| York, England, UK | Romantic | October 24, 2013

Date: “Were you Blur or Oasis?”

Me: “Pulp!”

Date: “Yup, you’ll do!”

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