(It is my day off, but have to go into work to pick up some milk. On my way in, I notice several large signs on the doors informing customers that the debit/credit machines are down. As I stand in line, I hear customer and my coworker arguing.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous! You should really put up a sign if your machines are going to be down.”

Coworker: “There are signs on all the doors.”

Customer: “Well I didn’t see them; you people should make them bigger!”

Coworker: “They’re on all the doors, and are quite lar—”

Customer: “They should be BIGGER!”

Coworker: “Well how big do you need them, ma’am?”

Customer: “BIGGER!”

(At this point the woman throws her things on the counter and storms out, flipping off my coworker in the process.)

Coworker: “I think it’s break time.”

(I’m in my first semester of college. I’ve just had my first midterm, and unfortunately I’ve also caught a cold and am not quite thinking straight. I’m at the check out line with my groceries when I realize I’ve left my credit card back at the dorm.)

Me: *quietly embarrassed* “I forgot my credit card back at the dorm. I’m really sorry; I can’t buy these right now.”

Cashier: “Oh, don’t worry about it. We’ll just put them back.”

Me: “I really am sorry.”

Cashier: “Don’t worry about it; it’s okay. I’m sorry you can’t get these right now.”

(At this point, the customer in line behind me speaks up.)

Customer: “Just put them on mine.”

Me: *shocked* “What?”

Customer: “I’ll pay for them; don’t worry.”

Me: “You don’t have to. It’s my own fault.”

Customer: “It’s okay, really. My mother, father, brother, and I all went to [nearby college] at the same time. I have five kids. I would have wanted someone do to this for me.”

(At this point I’m near tears. She pays for my groceries and I thank her profusely. She and the cashier talk to me about my majors and tell me to study hard, which I assure them I will. Thank you, random lady, for helping me out when I made a stupid mistake! The world needs more kind people like you!)

(I am exchanging a Blu-ray disc I received as a gift for the DVD version, which is a couple of dollars cheaper. Company policy states that a gift card is issued when a gift receipt is used in an exchange or return. There is a law in California that says a gift card valued under $10 may be redeemed for cash, and I happened to work at a different location of the store when the law went into effect a few years prior.)

Service Rep: “Since there is a difference in price, you’ll be receiving a gift card with the difference.”

Me: “Could I just get the cash? A gift card with less than $2 on it doesn’t do me any good.”

Service Rep: “Sorry, we only distribute gift cards. It’s rude to know how much somebody spent on your gift, you know.”

Me: “If I didn’t want to know, I wouldn’t have picked up the movie myself. I know that the difference is less than $2. If I get the gift card, I’m just going to redeem it for the cash anyways.”

Service Rep: “Nope, sorry, we can’t give you cash for a gift receipt. It’s against policy.”

Me: “Actually, you can give cash.”

(I start to explain the process before being interrupted.)

Service Rep: “No! We can’t do it. If you want the difference, you have to get it as a gift card.”

Me: *giving up* “Fine, I’ll take the gift card.”

Service Rep: “Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Me: “Yes, I have a gift card here that has less than $2 on it, and I would like to redeem it for cash. Can I do that here?

Service Rep: “Of course!”

Client: “I’m 90 years old, and when I came downstairs this morning there was a cat with five kittens in my kitchen! What should I do? I can’t look after these kittens; I’m 90!”

Me: “Have you tried asking your neighbours if anyone recognises the cat?”

Client: “Yes, yes, I tried that.”

Me: “You could try phoning the [well-known animal charity]?”

Client: “I’m not doing that!”

Me: “Oh, okay. Do you mind if I ask why not?”

Client: “I phoned them once because I had a fox come through my cat flap! They refused to come out and get it, so it ended up staying for three months!”

This story is part of our Take Your Cat To The Vet roundup!

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(In lecture, my professor is asking for words to describe men in a picture. After people shout out words like ‘happy’ and ‘confident,’ he asks for more specific words.)

Student #1: “Cocky!”

Professor: “Yeah, that’s a good one! What else?”

Student #2: “Temeritous!”

(The professor stumbles back, clutching his heart.)

Professor: “Woah! Who’s your TA?”

Student #2: “It’s [TA’s Name].”

Professor: “[TA’s Name], give him an ‘A’!”

(Everyone laughs.)

Professor: “‘Temeritous,’ what a fabulous word. I don’t even know what it means! What does it mean?”

Student #2: “Very arrogant!”

Professor: “[TA’s Name], give him two ‘A’s!”