Anatoli, Cousin To Ivan And Boris, Is The Hero We All Need

Long ago in the dim ages, when bear and bison swarmed the forest and the prairie, my brother worked at a guitar shop. They had a regular customer named Anatoli. Anatoli was the epitome of the Big Russian Bear: tall, broad, and just sort of physically thick all over, with an incredibly deep, thick Russian accent. He claimed to be former Russian Special Forces and had a few interesting stories to tell; regardless of whether the stories were true or not, the very real and visible scars that went along with them made him look even more imposing. He also loved to play the mandolin and was by all accounts one of the nicest regulars the store ever had; he was always polite, never impatient, and had a good relationship with all the employees.

They had another semi-regular who was a jerk — just an unrepentant a**hole. He loved to berate new employees, especially women, and store management was spineless and wouldn’t ban him because he spent middling money there.

Finally, one fateful day, Anatoli and the jerk were in the store at the same time. The jerk had arrowed in on a brand-new female employee and was in the process of yelling at her until she started to cry.

Anatoli noticed the commotion and walked over. He apparently was remarkably good at walking quietly despite his size, so the jerk didn’t notice him coming. He grabbed the jerk by the back of the neck, and casually asked the girl, in his trademark Russian rumble:

Anatoli: “Does this man bother you?”

She nodded. Anatoli looked down at the jerk and admonished him:

Anatoli: “This is nice girl. You leave her alone, yes?”

He then walked the jerk over to the main door, released his neck, and just stared at him until the jerk left the store.

My brother worked there for about another year after that incident and never saw the jerk again.

Related:
Larry: Friend Of Boris
Boris Has A Mighty Need For Caffeine
Boris Returns And Things Get Heavy
Boris Is Now Swedish
Ivan, Cousin To Boris, Fights Scammers, Too