Ivan, Cousin To Boris, Fights Scammers, Too

, , , , , | Legal | July 10, 2020

I work in a small, one-man computer repair shop. I frequently get scam phone calls throughout the day, typically offering business loans and free cruises — the usual rubbish. One day, I get fed up with the scammers and decide to have a little fun.

I answer the phone in a thick Russian accent.

Me: “Hello! You are speaking to Ivan Yesnikov of Yesnikov Computers! How may I be of helping you today?”

Scammer: “Hi, I’m [Scammer] calling from the free cruise giveaway! You’ve won a free cruise!”

Me: “A ‘free cruise?’ Is of sounding good, but… how I win this cruise?”

Scammer: “Oh, you probably stayed at one of our many hotels over the past year and were entered into the contest.”

Me: “Ah, I am of understanding. But let me be of asking you something. What is name of company you calling from?”

Scammer: “This is the Five-Star Resort Company.”

Me: *Suddenly enraged* “‘Five-Star Resort Company’?! IS FRONT COMPANY FOR KGB!”

Scammer: *Exasperated* “Sir, we are not the KGB.”

Me: *Still enraged* “Is exactly what KGB would say! I know this name from when I in Siberia. I no let you send me back! Ludmila and I will be waiting for you!”

Scammer: *Click*

Related:
Boris Delivers When Boris Feels Like It
Boris Can See Through You
Boris Now Fights Scammers
Leave The Accents To Boris
Boris Need No Warranty; Boris IS Warranty!
When Boris Busy, Use Marko

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