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Bad boss and coworker stories

Obvious Signs Employees Aren’t Doing Their Jobs

| Working | September 17, 2012

(There is a huge sign advertising my favorite gum for 2 for $2.22. I grab two packs and head to the register, where the cashier rings me up for full price.)

Me: “Hey, I thought that gum was on sale for 2 for $2.22.”

Cashier: “That’s not right.”

Me: “What about the huge sign that says ‘2 for $2.22’?”

Cashier: “That was last month.”

Me: *points to the huge sign that says ‘2 for $2.22’*

(Without a word, the cashier walks across to the sign and rips it down.)

Cashier: “There! No more 2 for $2.22!”

Keep Your Eye On That Coworker

| Working | September 17, 2012

(A new coworker has just started at her job. She seems really nice and normal. I have green/blue eyes.)

Coworker: “Do you wear coloured contacts?”

Me: “No, this is my natural colour.”

(Suddenly, she grabs my arm.)

Coworker: “I REALLY WANT YOUR EYES.”

(She was completely serious: she continued to stare at me for a few seconds before wandering off.)

Back To Swear One

| Working | September 16, 2012

(I’m having trouble with my car, so I take it to the mechanic. On Friday, the mechanic calls me up and says that they’ve found the problem, but the required part won’t be in until Monday. He tells me that I can have my car back for the weekend, and bring it back on Monday. On Monday morning, when I bring the car back to the shop, the manager looks up from the front desk and starts yelling at me.)

Manager: “YOU! What the f**k are you doing here?”

Me: “The mechanic told me to bring the car back on Monday.”

Manager: “All you godd*** f***ing people! You all think the world revolves around you! What the f**k makes you think we’re ready for your car today?”

(Getting angry myself, I slam my keys on the counter.)

Me: “I spent my weekend arranging alternate transportation! For all I care, it can sit in your parking lot until you are ready for it!”

Manager: *grumbles under his breath*

Me: “I’m curious now. When do you think you will be ready for it?”

Manager: “YOU’LL HAVE IT BACK BY THE WEEKEND!”

(On Friday, not having heard back from the shop, I call them up, and the manager angrily tells me I’ll have it back the following week. On Monday afternoon, the manager calls me and tells me my car is fixed. I return to the shop and we have this exchange.)

Manager: “I’d like to apologize for my behavior last week. I had two mechanics quit and another call in sick, and we were very busy and understaffed. Once again, I’m sorry for the way I treated you.”

Me: “Sorry enough to give me a discount?”

(At that question, the manager instantly turns back into the ball of rage I’d met the week before.)

Manager: “YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT NOW?!”

Me: “Just give me my car back.”

(I’ve never been back there!)

She’s A Worka-hurl-ic

| Working | September 15, 2012

(I’m checking out a few things for dinner and miscellaneous items. I walk up, put my things on the belt and the cashier starts to ring me out.)

Cashier: “Did you find everything okay?”

Me: “Yes, thank you. ”

Cashier: “Excuse me…” *grabs trash can*BLAAAAARFFFFFFFF!

(The cashier vomits violently into the trash can for an unholy period of time. Just as I’m expecting her head to spin, she stops.)

Me: “Holy crap! Are you okay?”

Cashier: “Holy crap! I’m fine.” *wipes mouth with paper towel*

(Surprisingly, she reaches for my items and continues to ring me out. She does flip the light for the manager, though.)

Cashier: “That will be [price].”

Me: “Why don’t you sit down?”

Cashier: “I’m fine. Credit or debit?”

(At this point, the manager shows up.)

Manager: “What’s up?”

(The cashier hands over the trash can, which is audibly sloshing with its contents.)

Cashier: “I need a new can, please.”

Manager: “Again?! Okay. Want to go home?”

Cashier: “Nope. All better.”

Manager: “Alright. But make it a third time, then I’ll clone you for your work ethic and send you home!”

Phenotypical Incorrectness

| Working | September 14, 2012

(At the campground where I work, two girls complain that someone has stolen their picnic table. So, I go out, find it, and help them drag it back to their site. When they check out, they write on our comment card that I was helpful and friendly.)

Me: *reading the comment card* “Oh, those nice lesbians gave me a positive comment!

Coworker: “How do you know those girls were lesbians? Just because they were camping together doesn’t mean they were! The could just be friends. You’re being rude!”

Me: “Well, seeing as one of them had a tattoo with intertwined female symbols, complained about being labeled as butch while we were moving the table, and kissed the other when she bought her ice cream, I’m gonna go with lesbians.”