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Bad boss and coworker stories

Education Standards Are Going Down

| Working | June 21, 2012

(My coworker has just asked me to find out the status of a shipment. We’re both in our early 20s.)

Me: “The shipment is in Portland.”

Coworker: “You mean like Portland, Seattle?”

Me: “No, Portland, Oregon. Seattle is in Washington.”

Coworker: “So, it goes Washington, Oregon?”

Me: “Oregon is south of Washington, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Coworker: “South…” *pauses to think* “…you mean down?”

Her B.S. Is B.S.

| Working | June 21, 2012

(There’s a power blackout while I am being checked out of a convenience store. My purchase is $27.15 and I have just handed the young lady at the till $40.00.)

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but the power is off and I can’t make change.”

Me: “I gave you $40, so you owe me $12.85.”

Cashier: “As if!”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Cashier: “How do you know?”

Me: “I did it in my head.”

Cashier: “Yeah, right!”

(At this point, the manager comes up and asks what the problem is.)

Cashier: “The bill is $27.15 and he gave me $40.00, but the power is out and I can’t figure the change. He tells me that it’s $12.85.”

Manager: “It is.”

Cashier: “How do you know?!”

Manager: “I did it in my head.”

Cashier: “As if!”

Manager: “Go stock the shelves…”

(The manager turns to me and shrugs apologetically.)

Manager: “She’s starting university this term in Engineering. Any bets on how long that lasts?”

The Other, Other Red Meat

| Working | June 20, 2012

(While working in the store’s meat department cutting links of sausage, I cut my finger very badly. Due to the nature of the cut, I did not feel it at first. By the time I noticed, it I had bled into the sausage. This exchange takes place after I return from bandaging my hand.)

Me: “Is there a special way to dispose of this sausage? Or should I just toss it in the bin?”

Boss: “What are you talking about?”

Me: “Well, I bled all over this meat. It’s sort of a bio-hazard.”

Boss: “No, just put it in the service case. No one will be able to tell. They have to cook it anyway!”

The Pilgrim’s Lack Of Progress

| Working | June 20, 2012

(Once a month, we close the clinic early and go out to lunch as a group. I haven’t lived in town very long when we go to a local restaurant called the Mayflower.)

Coworker: “If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?”

Me: “Pilgrims!”

Coworker: “Huh? That’s a joke. The answer is ‘June bugs’.”

Me: “Oh, I had heard that joke differently. Hey, look at these placemats with the story of the Mayflower on them: ‘Once upon a time, there were people called Pilgrims?’ Do they think we’re in first grade or something?”

Coworker: “I don’t know this story.”

(I tease her, thinking she’s kidding.)

Me: “Were you asleep during social studies in elementary school?”

Coworker: “Hey, we’re not all as filled with USELESS KNOWLEDGE as you are, okay? Sorry if I concentrate on actual important stuff and don’t know about this PILGRIM business!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry.”

Coworker: *changes the subject* “This weekend, I’m going to visit my family!”

Me: “Oh, that sounds fun. Are you very close?”

Coworker: “To be honest, not really. Ever since I got my college degree, they don’t want to talk to me because I’m so much smarter than they are!”

Rent In Peace

| Working | June 20, 2012

(My grandmother has just passed away. We are cleaning out her apartment, which is in a complex for senior citizens. This takes place at the dumpster outside the apartment as I am throwing her hoarded belongings away. A custodian approaches us.)

Custodian: “Do you have a grandparent living here?”

Me: “Well, my grandmother lived here, but she passed away yesterday, so we’re cleaning out her apartment. ”

Custodian: “I’m sorry, but you can only use this dumpster if you or a family member live here.”

Me: “Well, she did live here, but she just passed away.”

Custodian: “So, you don’t have a grandparent living here right now?”

Me: “Well, no, I don’t.”

Custodian: “So, you can’t use this dumpster.”

(At this point, my dad comes by to find out why it’s taking me so long to throw out a bucket of garbage.)

Dad: “What’s taking so long?”

Custodian: “Do you have a family member living here?”

Dad: “My mom has an apartment here.”

Custodian: “So, she does still own the apartment?”

Dad: “The apartment is still in her name, yes.”

Custodian: *to me* “Why didn’t you tell me your dead grandmother still owns her apartment?!”