(I am a medical lab scientist. I have a coworker, also a medical lab scientist, who is Brazilian by birth, but speaks perfect English. She has a slight, gorgeous Brazilian accent, but is entirely understandable. She also has a very roll-with-the-punches, sweet-hearted personality. A nurse calls my coworker’s lab bench phone. Because her hands are full/covered in bodily fluids, she hits speakerphone, so I can also hear the conversation.)

Coworker: “Lab. This is [Coworker].”

Nurse: “Ugh. Can I talk to someone who speaks English?”

Coworker: “I speak English. What can I do for you?”

Nurse: “No. Not someone who kind of speaks English. Someone who actually does.”

Coworker: “I actually speak English.”

Nurse: *enunciating like she’s speaking to an idiot* “No. When you were a baby, running around in a diaper, what language were your parents speaking to you?”

Coworker: *being honest* “Portuguese. But I speak English as well.”

Nurse: “Get me to someone whose parents were speaking English.”

(My coworker peels off her gloves in frustration, puts the phone on hold and turns to me.)

Coworker: “Can I transfer this to you?”

Me: “Sure. Transfer it to my bench.” *answering phone* “Lab, this is [My Name].”

Nurse: “Where did you grow up?”

Me: “Seattle, mostly.”

Nurse: “Thank the skies! Okay, I have a question about the urinalysis for [Patient]—”

Me: “Okay, I’m going to stop you right there to let you know that I can answer general questions about that, as I am certified in urinalysis. However, if you have any questions about that patient’s urine specifically, you’re going to have to talk to [Coworker] as she has analyzed all the urine today. I’m doing blood counts today. So, it might be better for her to answer your questions.”

Nurse: “No. I need to talk to an American about this. I need to know [proceeds to ask a question very specific to that patient’s urine].”

Me: *such that the nurse can hear me* “Hey, [Coworker].” *I repeat the question, and then directly relay the answer as she says it*

(After hanging up the phone.)

Coworker: “Well, that was different.”

Me: “No. That was offensive.”

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(My mom asks me to pick up her prescriptions because she has mobility issues. I don’t think it is allowed, given what she takes, but I agree to try. This is at her pharmacy.)

Me: “Is it permitted for me to pick up my mom’s prescription?”

Pharmacist: “I’ve never seen you before.”

Me: “Well, I don’t live here. I’m only visiting. If it’s not allowed, I understand.”

Pharmacist: “I never said you couldn’t.”

Me: “Thank you. Would you like to see my ID or something?”

Pharmacist: “Oh, it’s fine. You look just like your mom. She’s been coming here for years and she loves to brag about you.”

(I shouldn’t complain. My mom got her pills, but there’s one problem. My mom had only lived there a few months. If the pharmacist could get that wrong, and didn’t verify my identity, what else is she doing wrong?)

CONTENT WARNING: Death

(I fall pregnant in my early 30s. My husband and I are quite excited because it’s our first child. However, about halfway through the pregnancy, they pick up major issues and we have to make the difficult decision to terminate the pregnancy. My OBGYN only schedules surgeries every Friday, so I am booked in for my surgery on the same day he will be doing births as well. I arrive at the hospital on the day at six am, which is the time I was told to be there. My mum is with me and my husband is going to meet us there. After being shown to my room, I get a visit from the anaesthetist, who is extremely sympathetic and understanding of how difficult the whole situation is for me. Then I speak to the nurses.)

Nurse: “Because you were scheduled so late, your surgery will be the last one of the day, at four pm.”

(I can barely hold back the tears.)

Anaesthetist: “I’ll speak to the doctor and see what we can do.”

(The following conversation happens in my room once the doctor comes in:)

Anaesthetist: “Doctor, they’ve said that Mrs [My Name] is only scheduled for this afternoon?”

Doctor: “Yes, her surgery was scheduled after all the other mums to be, so it’s only fair.”

(None of us in the room could believe what we we’re hearing him say.)

Anaesthetist: “Well, Doctor, I think under these special circumstances, I’m sure you can change the schedule around a bit. Considering what Mrs. [My Name] is here to do, I don’t think it’s right to keep her here for the entire day before she can get it done.”

Doctor: “Oh, well… I don’t know. Let me first go and check on all my mums to be and see how they’re doing first and then I’ll decide.”

Anaesthetist: “I’ve already checked on all of them and they’re all doing just fine. Please, look at her, she’s already upset as it is, understandably. It’s not right to prolong this any more for this poor woman. Please just change the scheduling.”

(Through my tears, I can see the doctor stammering, unable to think of any more excuses.)

Doctor: “Fine! Nurse, get this patient ready for surgery, then!”

(The surgery went fine in the end. I was scheduled for a follow up visit to the same doctor about six weeks after, but I never went. I refused to see somebody who was so absolutely heartless and cruel. I still have no idea what I ever did to this doctor, but I hope no other expectant mum ever goes through what I did with him.)

(I am craving ice cream so I go to a local ice cream store/restaurant. As I pull up, I see an employee is having car trouble.)

Me: “Hello, do you need help?”

Employee: “Yes, do you have jumper cables?”

(I do, so I go get them and help restart her car.)

Me: *as I’m paying for my ice cream* “Oh, you didn’t charge for one of my items.”

Manager: “It’s a thank you for helping my employee.”

(I am 21 and have braces put in. I am employed full time and have my own medical insurance, completely independent of my parents. When filling the forms in at the dentist, I list my mum’s number as an emergency contact, but all other information is my own. Unfortunately my medical aid is a little slow in paying out claims, and the following conversation occurs every few months for about two years, between my mum and the dentist’s office.)

Mum: “Hello.”

Receptionist: “Hi, this is [Receptionist] and I’m calling from [Dentist]’s office. May I please speak to Mrs [Name]?”

Mum: “You’re speaking to her. How can I help you?”

Receptionist: “I’m calling in connection to the last claim we’ve made for your daughter’s braces check-up. Unfortunately we’ve not received payment yet. Could you please follow that up with your medical aid and let us know when we can expect payment?”

Mum: “You’ll need to speak to my daughter about that. She’s the one on your accounts and it’s her medical aid.”

Receptionist: “Well Mrs. [Name], you are her parent and you are ultimately responsible for this payment. Please check and let us know when we can expect payment.”

Mum: “Right, you need to contact MISS [Name], not me. She’s 21 and fully responsible for her own payments and medical aid.”

Receptionist: “I understand that ma’am, but you’re her parent, so you’re responsible.”

Mum: “She may be my child, but she is not a child. I’m only listed as an emergency contact; I have nothing to do with her finances or her account with you. Please call her directly on [my number] to sort it out. Please also make a note somewhere that she is an adult and not a child, and that all communication needs to be with her and not me.”

Receptionist: “Okay, let me try that number, then. Thank you. Have a good day.”

(They would call me afterwards and the payment was sorted within a few days. But they just couldn’t comprehend that they had an adult patient for braces. The dentist was even more scattered!)