(I’m with my family at one of those places where the wait-staff is encouraged to be blatantly disrespectful. Guests are encouraged to be just as ornery. At another table, a boy is having a little party. He has eight balloons tied to his chair.)

Mother: “Well, are you lazy, good-for-nothing ingrates going to sing Happy Birthday to my son or what?”

Server: *she’s standing next to the boy* “Sure! Are you ready?” *pops a balloon with her pen* “Happy birthday to you!” *pop* “Happy birthday to you! ” *pop* “Happy birthday,” *pop* “Happy birthday,” *pop* “Happy birthday to you!” *pop pop pop*

(She popped all eight balloons. It was sooooo satisfying.)

(It’s Thursday and I’m calling to ask whether my doctor, whom I visit three times a year, is in the next day. I never needed to get an appointment before; I just show up. According to the schedule posted online she is on duty on Friday, but since it is summer, she might be on holiday. The schedule also seems to be old, so I want to make sure.)

Assistant: “[Hospital Department], [Assistant] here.”

Me: “Good morning, I’m [My Name] and I’m calling to ask if [Doctor] is in tomorrow.”

Assistant: *in an unfriendly, resentful tone* “Morning. No, she won’t be here. Goodbye.”

(She quickly hangs up before I can say another word. I really hate to speak on the phone anyway so my boyfriend calls the hospital back to ask again.)

Boyfriend: “Good morning, I would like to ask when [Doctor] will be in next week.”

Assistant: “Morning. On Tuesday. ” *hangs up again immediately*

(Someone really did not want to do their job that day! But maybe if we make a third call, we will finally know the exact hours…)

Related:
Has No Hang Ups About Hanging Up

(I didn’t hear all of this exchange, but I heard enough to know it belongs here. I’m getting on a bus when a passenger in front of me starts putting coins in the fare box. I should note that fare boxes on buses in my city don’t give change. The driver stops him after he’s put in $1.50.)

Driver: “Okay, stop there. You put in $4 last time, so I’ll just apply the $1.25 you overpaid as a credit toward your fare today.”

(Thank you, bus driver, for reassuring me that some drivers really do know and care about their passengers.)

(I’m fairly conservative in my behavior; I don’t drink or smoke, I generally stick to the speed limit, that sort of thing. One day, as I was leaving work in the late afternoon, I passed my supervisor and my manager on the way out.)

Supervisor: “Headed home, [My Name]?”

Me: “Yep.”

Manager: “No way. I know you, [My Name]. You’re going to go cruise Main Street for a hooker.”

Supervisor: *playing along* “Yeah, he’s probably gonna go smoke some crack, too, right?”

Me: “Well, if by ‘cruise Main for a hooker’ you mean ‘drive defensively back to my apartment,’ and if by ‘smoke some crack’ you mean ‘eat some of the chocolate chip cookies my wife was baking this morning,’ then, yes, I’m going to go cruise Main and smoke crack.”

(Supervisor laughs.)

Manager: “…Well played.”

(Our office building is dog friendly. There’s a dog in the office across from ours is known for being very skittish. A coworker comes out into the hallway to find me scratching the dog’s head.)

Coworker: “Why does he love you? He never lets me pet him!”

Me: “Well, a dog like him needs a bit of coaxing. I’ve taken the time to get him to trust me.”

Coworker: “You give him treats, don’t you?”

Me: “Yeah…”