Why Would You Want To Travel With Someone So Clearly Uncomfortable With It?

One of my male coworkers is from a country where, as he puts it, relationships and marriages are more of an arranged idea than something people choose to do and as such, there is a lot of “hidden fun” going on.

He wants to make plans to use his vacation time to visit different locations around the USA. One of these stops is New York City, where I used to live.

Coworker: “So, you can take me on a tour?”

Me: “I don’t have a ton of vacation time right now.”

Coworker: “Just a week or two.”

Me: “Yeah, I don’t have two weeks, and I have kids. Maybe if [My Husband] can get off his job, we can schedule a big vacation, but—”

Coworker: *Annoyed* “Why do people always say their partner has to go along? It’s not a romantic getaway!”

I have had this conversation with him before, as I know other people have.

Me: “I know that, but taking one-on-one trips with people who aren’t your significant other… It’s the way it looks. It’s not personal. It’s just—”

Coworker: “Well, that’s dumb.”

Me: “I would be unhappy going without my family, anyway. Why don’t you go with [Married Male Coworker]? He’s from New York, too.”

Coworker: *Offended* “I’m not touring New York with a man.”

Me: “Why?”

Coworker: “People will think we’re gay!”

I’m now annoyed enough that I want to laugh, but I hold it back.

Me: “So… it’s not a romantic getaway if you go with a married, female coworker, but it is a romantic getaway if you go with a married, male coworker.”

Coworker: “It’s completely different.”

Me: *Sigh* “Okay.”

Coworker: “Why can’t you just come with me? We won’t sleep in the same bed.”

Me: “I know we won’t. Because I’m not going.”

Coworker: “Why?!”

Me: “I’m not available.”

I turn to walk away.

Coworker: “You don’t even know when!”

Me: *Shrugging* “I know I’m not available.”

He continued to ask me to make plans with him for weeks before I finally cracked and screamed at him. Initially, I was written up by Human Resources for creating an uncomfortable work environment. I told them about our conversation where he refused to go with a male coworker but insisted on going with me. They dropped my write-up, and [Coworker] was moved to another branch.