I am currently living in Hawaii for a contract job. Due to the expensive moving to an island, I elect to leave all my belongings in storage and rent a furnished townhouse shared with three other people including a young woman. The other two residents and I are men in our thirties. I am talking on Twitch with some friends while I am taking my laundry out of the washing machine and hanging it on the drying wrack. Apparently, one of my roommates had done some laundry earlier and not checked the washing machine thoroughly enough.

Me: “Eww, I found my 18-year-old roommate’s thong in my laundry. It must have been left in the washing machine.”

Friend: “Woops. Better return it to her in person.”

Me: “God damnit! There’s another one!”

Friend: “Or maybe sell them on eBay.”

Me: “I’m about to go mail my dad his birthday present. I’ll add them to it.”

Friend: “Sounds like he’ll know you really care.”

My boyfriend and I were only able to see each other once between mid-November and Christmas due to vigilance about the COVID pandemic and wanting to make sure we quarantined before seeing our families. While we’re together, he checks the tracking information on the two presents he’s bought me for Christmas, only to discover that one of the items, despite being purchased on December 5th, is not scheduled to arrive until late January/early February. He’s very embarrassed by this, as the other gift won’t arrive in time for him to give it to me before we head home either, but I joke that by that time it may as well be a Valentine’s day present.

In a family video chat on Christmas where we’re discussing how long various presents took to arrive various places, I mentioned offhand how my boyfriend’s present wasn’t going to be coming for another month. When I mentioned to him that I had shared this story, his response was, “Um…I hope no one in your family is curious about what it is!” This clued me into the fact that this present was something of a sexual nature.

Fast-forward to Valentine’s day weekend…the predicted delivery window has come and gone. The week before he got a message that it was “out for delivery,” followed immediately by a message saying it would be late, with no other explanation. By this point we’re both convinced he fell victim to a scam listing on Amazon and he has cancelled the order. We go away to his family’s cabin for Valentine’s weekend and I ask if I get to know what the gift was since by this point it’s clear I won’t actually get it. He tells me it was meant to be some rope in my favorite color, as we enjoy light bondage play. I tell him a local, reputable place he can get something like that from next time instead of Amazon and we don’t think any more of it.

Then, despite him cancelling the order, the package finally arrives the next week! I go over to his place on the weekend, we start getting intimate, and he asks if I want to try out my new present. I say yes, of course, so he hands me the package (which he had meant to open and wrap for me but didn’t get around to, so it’s still in its shipping packaging). I open and start to unwrap it, and I can already see that the color isn’t right, but I don’t have my glasses on and think maybe they just messed that up. Then we look closer and realize they did /not/ ship us fun-colored bondage rope, but instead an inflatable butt plug! That is not something either of us is interested in. I started laughing but he was FURIOUS (and even more embarrassed, as he later told me)–apologizing over and over, assuring me that wasn’t what he had bought. I told him it was ok and tried to get him to come back to bed, his immediate response was “It’s NOT okay!” Eventually he calmed down (after cathartically throwing it away) and came back to bed. Later I pulled it out of the trash–it was still wrapped, and I’m not a wasteful person so it seemed like a shame to throw it away. I thought we might still be able to use it for /something./ But we determined that no, this wasn’t going to work for us, and we did end up tossing it. I felt bad, but you can’t exactly post on Facebook “Hey, [boyfriend] and I got an inflatable butt plug by accident, does anybody want it?” I tried to get him to return it but he said it wasn’t worth it. He at least reported the seller, though. In the end, we waited more than 3 months for the wrong thing to arrive. We laugh about it now, but he’s still embarrassed about it!

My husband and I are at a store buying an ipad. The clerk is struggling to unbox it for password purposes when..

Husband as ipad: Unhand me!

Clerk titters.

Husband: Opening me in public, that’s indecent!

Clerk laughs again.

Husband apologized for his outburst when we finished the purchase.

My former company threw a party and a few employees stayed late to help clearing and putting away the extra tables, cutlery etc.
One of the wine bottles was open but nearly full, and Worker #1 told Worker #2 how he’d rather take it home rather than let it go to waste. He did, in fact, carry it as far as the canteen’s fridge, then either changed his mind or forgot about it. After Worker #1 had clocked out and left, Worker #2 found the bottle and took it with him.
Cue Monday morning and the boss kicking up a fuss about how employees were supposed to enjoy the food and drinks on offer, but not to the point when they woul carry home full bottles! The thing snowballed completely out of proportion to the actual value of the wine itself (roughly €5), with phone calls and internal investigations… you’d have supposed someone had run away with the office safe. Worker #2, ever the weasel, said Worker #1 was the culprit and this was confirmed by a video showing Worker#1 walk along the corridor with a shopping bag in hand.
The boss, furious, sent Worker #1 a personal message on a social media app, telling him to return the ill-gotten booty or suffer the consequences. While all this happened, Worker #1 was at work in a different part of the company, seemingly oblivious to the massive commotion that had taken place. To top it off, on Tuesday he had a mishap that caused a partly finished job to be re-done.
The boss decided to take the matter into his own hands. He went to Worker #1 station and told him off for his poor workmanship AND for not owning up to having made away with the infamous bottle!
Saying that Worker #1 was struck dumb is an understatement… but he later figured out what had happened. He asked for an appointment with the boss and showed up with a new, sealed bottle. This is the speech he made, as it was related to me.
Worker #1: “I know who took your damn wine home, but I’m not telling because I’m not a rat, unlike someone else. As to not replying to your message, did you ever get a confirmation that I had received it? I hardly think so, since I’m not in any social media and I don’t even have a smart phone!So here’s another bottle to cover for your loss.”
I was also told that everything that was left unsaid did get out eventually, a few months later, when Worker #1 retired…

Possible title; puppy love.
I have a 17 year old cat, a 13 year old chihuahua and a chihuahua puppy given to me about two weeks ago. Needless to say, the older two have been having a hard time getting used to a puppy so much younger and smaller than them. The puppy tries to play with them and they don’t like it. She cuddles up to big sister (chihuahua) last night, sister tries to run away and I get on to her. I love on her while making her sit still and tell her “it’s not her fault she likes you. If she’s being nice to you, you need to be nice to her.” I love on her until she falls asleep and they cuddle for a while. This morning the puppy tries to cuddle with big brother (cat) he starts to get up and gets treated to the same lecture. Tonight I watched as big brother searched out the puppy, curled up with her and quickly fell asleep. I think it’s starting to turn into puppy love.