Coworker: “We’re gonna ham it up. And if that cheeses off any of these turkeys who are full of bologna, we’ll have a beef. Unless they’re too chicken.”
(He sees me rubbing my temples and turning red.)
Coworker: “What are you doing?”
Me: “Trying to manifest a pack of ravenous wolves out of the f***ing ether.”
It’s a Wednesday and I’m in a rush to get from work to church. It’s also my birthday week, and I’ve decided to take advantage of a deal at a local “freaky fast” sandwich shop: a free sandwich. I order online for pickup ASAP and decide to go through the drive-through.
For context, it’s been about a year since the health crisis began, and we are still masked and distancing as much as we can, and I’m not certain which restaurants are open for takeout. Usually I get my orders from this place delivered.
I place my order a few minutes after five pm and get a confirmation email at 5:10. I get to the speaker box and am asked to wait a minute. There are two cars ahead of me in line.
When I get to the window, I can see three people in the building making sandwiches, etc. But it still takes them a few minutes to get to me, and one of the guys sets a bag on the counter that I know is not mine. There are now three cars in line behind me.
Me: “I don’t think I ordered that much food. I had the online order, already paid for?”
It takes another minute or so for him to hand me my drink and then my sandwich. I check the time: 5:29pm.
I should have just gone into the building.
We have an HR manager who has zero self-awareness and enjoys being the perpetual victim. She is also petty as all sin.
One best example of this is whenever I attempt to go on vacation, I have to give six month’s notice, three month’s notice, a month’s notice, two-week’s notice, and notice the day before to “remind her”. In writing (text AND email) AND verbally. Never mind that she is not actually my manager.
Each time she will chipperly say “Yes! Of couuuuurse I remember!” and then EVERY SINGLE day of vacation I will get a text message at 7:00 AM asking me when I will be in the office. She never asks this question unless I am on vacation!
This is especially frustrating when this woman goes on week-long vacations to luxury tourist spots like Hawaii, Costa Rica, etc. every three months and often takes off “mental-health days” once a week while us peons get a week of vacation a year plus 3 sporadic banking holidays based on her mood the day of (aka if she is generous to let us know if she is taking it off). Add the fact any time any woman in our office needs sick time, she accuses them of being “pregnant” and she refused to give bereavement leave to someone whose grandmother died and instead told her to take “vacation time”, her lack of sensitivity and tactic is poorly received by the entire office.
Long story short, selfish, inconsiderate, petty, and tactless all go to describe her. This lovely piece of word vomit happens in front of someone who hasn’t had vacation in three years because she keeps scheduling client meetings without his permission and won’t let him move them back.
Inconsiderate Manager: “I am taking my [21-year-old daughter] on vacation! I cancelled and rescheduled like a dozen times because I have been so busy and I finally said screw it! This is her first vacation in three years. Her dad is an a** and refuses to take her anywhere so this is her first vacation in THREE years! So we are going to MY favorite vacation spot. It is going to be so much fun!”
Yes… It aaaaalll your ex-husband’s fault that your adult daughter hasn’t been on a vacation in the three years since you divorced him.
(A version of this call happens every day, multiple times a day, after customers places an order.)
Me: Okay, everything is in stock. We will deliver your order Friday via ground.
Caller: Great. So, can you tell me if everything is in stock and when I can expect it to be delivered?
(Get dozens of these a day and tell me if your head is meeting your desk.)
I used to have a purse that would set off the door alarm sensors at the entrance/exit of most stores. It must have had one of the tags in it somewhere, but I searched every pocket, tried removing everything from the purse, and still it set off the alarms. Eventually I learned to live with it. I got very practiced at giving a genial laugh when the alarm went off and saying, “It’s my purse. Sets them off every time.” It helped my case that the alarm went off when I went into the store as well as when I went out.
Out of hundreds of times going into and out of different stores and setting off alarms, I had my bag or possessions checked maybe five times. All the other times, they just let me go without question, especially if I’d met someone’s eyes, acknowledged it, and apologized on my way into the store.
Moral of the story? If you’re going to steal something, bring something that sets off the alarm with you when you go into the store, and no one will think anything of it when you set off the alarm going out of the store.
