Time To Break Out The Tin Foil Hats

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]. My name is [My Name]. how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m being hunted by the FBI.”

Me: “Sorry to hear about that… Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “The problem is, my cable TV is fine but no Internet. The lights on the modem aren’t solid.”

(As we go through all the normal steps, I hear the sounds of cars passing by and honking in the background.)

Me: “Um, where are you?”

Customer: “Oh, on the pole.”

Me: “The… telephone pole?”

Customer: “Yes, I’ve stripped the wire going to the house and stuck it directly in the modem. It still doesn’t work.”

Me: “How are you powering your modem then?”

Customer: “Oh, I have about 3-4 extension cords coming from my house. Do you know that it’s easier for the government to track what you watch on TV than what you do on the Internet? I think I will cancel my cable TV.”

Me: “Is that what you want to do? I can get a tech for you tomorrow morning if you want.”

Customer: “Nah, just send me to billing.”