(I am in eighth grade and second semester my class takes geometry for our math course. It is the second day of the class. The teacher is hesitantly doing problems on the board when a student asks her to explain a couple of the equations.)

Teacher: “Well, it’s because… This problem is different from this one because… Wait a few minutes!”

(She runs out the door for the fifth time that lesson. She returns ten minutes later.)

Teacher: “Okay, this is what’s going on with this problem…”

(This happened another three times. We were all curious as to why she kept leaving. A few days later, we learned from the other eighth grade class taking algebra in the high school building that she constantly interrupted THEIR class to ask the high school math teacher teaching the class to explain geometry problems to her! It was no wonder that several students out of our primarily ‘A’ honor roll and AP-level class struggled to maintain even a passing grade in a class that should have been one of the easiest math classes out there!)

(We are being visited by a nurse who explains how epi-pens work in case one of the students suddenly reacts from a serious allergy. The students have had some false ones to practice using it on themselves and each other. The following happens as the nurse is answering another student’s question. The students are about 14 years old.)

Nurse: *answers a question and nods to a student that she has seen his hand and will answer him when she is done with the first question*

Student: *has a whispered conversation with a teacher*

Nurse: “Now, you there. What was your question?”

Student: “Oh, that’s okay. [Teacher] told me the answer.”

Nurse: “And what did you find out?”

Student: *holds up thumb and index finger to show a small length* “It’s this big.”

Teacher: “Actually, it’s about THIS big.” *holds up fingers to show a smaller length*

(This sparks a bigger laughter while the student is apparently was oblivious to the accidental innuendo.)

Nurse: *grinning* “Good, but could you repeat the question in case anyone else is wondering the same?”

Student: “Oh, uhm…” *confused due to all the laughter*

Teacher: “He was wondering how long the needle in the epi-pen was.”

(I am pregnant with my first daughter. My husband and I attend prenatal classes. For reasons that I never figure out, the instructor takes a strong dislike to me. She glares at me for no apparent reason, looks pointedly at the clock when I arrive even though I am five minutes early for the class, and ignores me when I have a question.)

Instructor: “Any questions?”

Attendee: “Is it a good idea to take a birth plan with you to the hospital?”

Instructor: “Good question!” *gives answer* “Anyone else?”

Me: “I’ve heard that you shouldn’t drink alcohol at all during pregnancy. Is that true?”

Instructor: *gives me a nasty look* “I’ll answer that one after I’ve taken a few more questions.” *later* “Okay, [My Name], about your drinking problem…”

Me: “…”

(For the record, I didn’t touch a drop during my two pregnancies.)

(After school waiting for a club meeting to begin, I overhear freshman talking about Halloween costumes:)

Freshman #1: “What should I be for Halloween?”

Freshman #2: “I don’t know.”

Me: “You should go as my GPA.”

(I work at the local school helping the janitor with various things as well as cleaning after class. One day the janitor, a grumpy, mean, old man, asks me for help fixing a projector, as it is showing everything upside down.)

Me: “So, I think that the problem is that…”

Janitor: “I know what the problem is! Help me take the damn projection screen down.”

Me: “I really don’t think that’s the problem. We just have to reset the projector…”

Janitor: “You don’t know what you are talking about. Just help me damn it or go clean the bathrooms.”

(I just do what he says and spend the next hour ripping the projection screen off the wall seeing as it was fastened quite well. We even manage to break a piece off the top and end up replacing all of it. We put it back up, the only difference being that he turns the projection screen upside down. I’m laughing in my head the whole time by the way.)

Janitor: “Why isn’t it working?!”

Me: “Look, I told you. You can’t just turn it upside down. The projection screen isn’t the problem, and you just have to reset the projector itself.”

Janitor: “Well, why didn’t you say so.” *quite pissed off*

Me: “I did. I told you from the beginning.”

Janitor: “No, you didn’t. I’m telling the principal that the broken projector screen will come out of your pay.”

Me: “Fine with me.”

(He proceeded to tell the principal the whole story of how he tried to fix it by turning the screen upside down. The principal just looked at the janitor and asked if he was f***** joking. He then explained to him how projectors work. The janitor hasn’t asked me for help since. The principal, however, asks me regularly for help with things he doesn’t trust the janitor to do.)