(I’m shopping in a bible store with my grandmother when I notice that they have a little children’s play area where parents can leave their toddler-aged children while they shop. The play area contains a TV that is currently showing a popular Christian children’s cartoon that I remember from when I was a kid.)

Me: “Oh, my gosh, I used to love that show!”

Toddler #1: “I love this show, too!”

Toddler #2: “Come watch with us!”

Me: “I don’t know if I can. I’m a big girl now.”

Caretaker: “Why not? It’s not like we’re crowded or anything.”

Me: *lighting up* “Really?”

(And that’s how my grandmother found me, a grown woman sitting in a tiny chair that had legs three inches off the ground, surrounded by two happy five year olds and watching a children’s cartoon with talking fruits and vegetables.)

(I was on my way into work at one of the stores in the mall when I’m stopped by a man selling electronic cigarettes from one of those temporary stalls near the entrance.)

Salesman: “Hey, there, do you smoke?”

Me: “No, I don’t.”

(Thinking the interaction is over, I continue to work, but the salesman follows me.)

Salesman: “Well, would you like to start?”

(I stop, because I’m honestly confused about what he’s trying to do and he tries to hand me the e-cigarette he’s holding.)

Me: “Um… I think that’s the exact opposite of what those e-cigarettes are trying to achieve, so, no, I wouldn’t like to start.”

(The polite smile he’s had on his face up until now vanishes and he sneers at me.)

Salesman: “Well, excuse me for trying to make my f******* sales target.”

Me: “I’m not sure pressuring people to start smoking and swearing at them when they refuse is the best way to do that.”

Salesman: “B****.”

(He takes a step towards me, and, despite us being in the middle of a crowded mall, I’m a little concerned. Someone grabs the salesman from behind and I look to see a security guard I hadn’t noticed before.)

Security Guard: “All right, that’s the third time today. Time to go.”

(The security guard dragged the guy away, practically kicking and screaming, and I don’t stick around to see what happens and instead hurry on to work before I’m late. When I left work, the stall and the salesman were both gone and I haven’t seen either since.)

(The PIN pads at my company automatically ask people if they’d like to make a donation to an organization, which changes monthly. Right now, it’s the American Cancer Society. To reiterate: the customer has to push a button correlating to either an amount or “Thanks, Not Today!” They are in no way required to talk to me about their choice.)

Customer: “Why in the world would anybody donate to the American Cancer Society?! Isn’t everybody just going to die of cancer anyway?”

Me: “Sadly, there is still a large percentage of people who do die from cancer—”

Customer: “Then what the h*** is the point?! It’s not like they’re going to cure anything!”

Me: “All of the children whose leukemia has been in remission for nine or more years appreciate your candor.”

(Customer huffed and stormed off.)

(A customer walks into to the shop where I work. He is talking to himself and starts laughing randomly. This conversation happens after he has paid for his purchase.)

Customer: “By the way can you tell me which flag this is?” *shows me his coin purse*

Me: “That is the English flag.”

Customer: “The English flag looks like this?”

Me: “Yes, that’s the English flag; it’s different from the British flag.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. And are the English with us or against us?”

Me: “I think they’re with us; they were the last time I checked.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks so much. Bye!”

Me: *to my coworker* “I wonder what he would have done if I had said they were against us?”

(It’s my birthday and I am working with a particularly lazy coworker. Our company has strict rules about leaving someone working alone in the store.)

Coworker: “It’s my mother’s birthday today. We are taking her out so I have to leave right on time today.”

Me: “Oh, it’s my birthday, too; I’m with you. As soon as I finish the tills this afternoon, I’m out of here.”

Coworker: “Sucks having to work on your birthday. You should have called in sick.”

Me: “Yeah, but it’s not what I do.”

Coworker: “You know, my family and friends used to call into my last job with fake excuses to get me out of work. One day they even called in with a bomb threat.” *laughs* “The whole shopping centre got shut down just so I could go out clubbing.”

Me: *shocked* “Really?!”

(At three o’clock, the phone rings; [Coworker] answers it. I keep doing what I am doing elsewhere. A couple of minutes later, she comes to find me.)

Coworker: *dramatically* “OMG, my mother was taken to hospital; my sister just called.”

(She doesn’t actually look upset, she looks more smug.)

Me: “Really? What was wrong?”

Coworker: “They ran tests and now are sending her home. My sister said that I am the only one who can go to pick her up. I need to leave.”

Me: “Sorry, it’s not my call; I’ll need to make a phone call.”

(I call my manager to tell her what was going on and to relate the conversation from that morning. The manager speaks to her and tells her that she will have to stay until 5:30 as it’s not an emergency situation.)

Coworker: “B**** won’t let me go.” *looking less smug but still not looking upset over her mother being taken to the hospital*

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’ve got to understand that right now I couldn’t even leave even if I got a call that someone had died.”

(Probably would have worked better if her sister had called in a bomb threat.)

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