(I’m on vacation with my parents, grandparents, friend and friend’s mum. My grandparents and mum are German, and my dad is Japanese. Due to this, I have learnt German and Japanese, but I have no accent as I grew up in Australia. My friend is just plain Australian. A waitress has asked everyone but me what they want to eat.)

Grandma: *with German accent* “You forgot her.”

(My grandma points to me.)

Waitress: “Oh, I’m sorry; what will you have?”

Me: “I’ll just have a bowl of chips and a lemonade, please.”

(The waitress smiles nicely, but mumbles in Japanese under her breathe as she walks away.)

Waitress: “Stupid fat girl. Why should I serve that pig just so she can get fatter than a whale?”

(My dad and I are the only ones that understand.)

Me: “Um, wait, one more thing.”

(The waitress turns back around with smile on her face.)

Me: “I’d like to speak to your manager for the way you spoke to me.”

(The waitress gets her manager.)

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Dad: “The problem is that waitress. She had missed my daughter, and she muttered that my daughter was a stupid fat girl that she shouldn’t have to serve just so she can get fatter than a whale. Weight is a sensitive subject for my daughter, as she has been teased about it many times; she is working on losing her extra fluff by doing kickboxing and going to a gym. I guess the waitress did not expect any Japanese people in our family.”

(The manager turns to the waitress.)

Manager: “Apologize, now!”

Waitress: “Well, how was I supposed to know they could speak Japanese? The old farts are Nazis, the man looks like a Chino, and the girl looks like a deformation!”

Manager: “DO NOT insult a customer! I have seen them in here before; they are wonderful people. I will not stand for your rudeness and racist comments. I’m from America; are you going to call me a ‘hamburger-eating fat-a**’?”

(When we went back the next day, the waitress had been fired!)

(I am standing in line at a restaurant, waiting to order lunch. I eat there often, and the owner has just decided a couple of weeks ago that the restrooms are for paying customers only. A woman rushes in; she seems to be quite ill.)

Woman: “Bathroom. Now, please!”

Owner: “Sorry, the bathroom is for paying customers only!”

(The woman glances at the long lunch line in dismay.)

Woman: “I can’t wait that long. Can I buy something after?”

Owner: “Nope, you have to buy something first.”

(The woman looks at the next person in line imploringly.)

Woman: “Do you mind if I cut?”

Customer #1: “Nope, go ahead!”

Owner: “No, you need to go to the back of the line!”

Woman: “But I need—”

Owner: “To the back!”

Woman: “But I’m going to—”

(The owner opens his mouth to cut her off again, but then the woman vomits all over the counter and the owner. A second customer comes over to support the woman.)

Customer #2: “Since the OWNER said that only paying customers can use the bathroom, the OWNER can clean that mess up. Let’s go somewhere else for lunch!”

(The ENTIRE waiting line of people turned around and left the restaurant! Turned out the woman was pregnant and suffering from morning sickness.)

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(I work at a bakery franchise that specializes in bundt cakes. On loyalty customers’ birthdays, they have the opportunity to come into the store and get a free mini cake. The following exchange happens the week before Halloween over the phone.)

Me: “Hello! Thank you for calling [Franchise]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi. I was just calling about the birthday bundtlet? I didn’t get one.”

Me: “Oh, geez, sorry about that. When did you come in?”

Caller: “I didn’t. I never got the email with the coupon on it.”

Me: “Okay. When did you sign up for the loyalty program?”

Caller: “Um, it was for my cousin’s birthday, so it was a while ago, and…”

(The customer proceeds to ramble on for a minute or so, making me suspicious that she signed up after her birthday.)

Me: “Okay, miss. If you come in with your ID, to prove that your birthday was within a week of today, I’ll check to make sure you’re on the loyalty program and get you that cake.”

Caller: “Oh, my birthday was in August. But my husband’s birthday is in a week, so I’ll just get a bundtlet for then.”

Me: “No, that won’t work. I’m sorry.”

Caller: “God, I f****** hate this store. You never work with your customers!”

This story is part of our Cake roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Spicy Stories About People Who Couldn’t Take The Heat!

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(I am about 16, and have been a vegetarian for a couple of years. My mother and I are in a restaurant and we’re preparing to order food. Our server is young, maybe 18 or 19.)

Me: “Does the pea soup have bacon, ham, or any meat in it?”

Server: “It comes with bacon.”

Me: “Do you have any soups without any meat?”

Server: “The chicken noodle soup doesn’t have meat.”

Me: “…not even chicken?”

Server: “Well yeah, but no meat.”

Me: “Oh. I’m a vegetarian; I don’t eat chicken. I’ll just have some green beans and mashed potatoes, please.”

Server: “Okay. Do you want bacon on the potatoes?”

Me: “No, thank you.”

(The food comes and there are three fat strips of bacon on my mashed potatoes. I remove them, and set them aside. Later, the server notices them when clearing the plates…)

Server: “Was there something wrong with your bacon?”

Me: “No, I can’t eat bacon; I’m a vegetarian.”

Server: “But bacon isn’t meat; it’s just bacon!”

Me: “It comes from an animal; it comes from a pig. It’s meat. I can’t eat it.”

Server: “Well, you don’t have to be snotty about it. It’s not my fault you’ve got self-image issues.”

(Needless to say, we didn’t tip well.)

(I am at the work Christmas party. Everyone is allowed to bring a ‘date’ and also their kids, if they like. One coworker brings his sister who was visiting, and his nephew who is around six years old. We are at a buffet restaurant that specializes in Chinese food. The place is packed. My coworker has a scoop of octopus salad on his plate, and is teasing his nephew with the tentacles.)

Coworker: “C’mon, try it!”

Nephew: “NO!”

Coworker: “I ate it! What are you, chicken?”

Nephew: “I don’t want to—”

Coworker: *chicken noises* “Buck buck buck!”

(The nephew shouts back so that the entire restaurant can hear.)

Nephew: “UNCLE! I AM NOT GOING TO EAT YOUR TESTICLES!”

This story was included in our Chinese Restaurant Roundup.

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