(We just hired on a bunch of new people. The kid I am training has never had a job before and is a bit nervous, so we chat a little.)

Coworker: “You do everything so fast! But, I guess you’ve been doing it for a while.”

Me: “Yes, long enough that the managers are comfortable with me training new people.”

Coworker: “So why don’t you have a red shirt like the other crew trainers?”

Me: “Oh, there was a little part of my certification that I didn’t complete in time so I was not officially promoted to a crew trainer. However, I still make the same amount as them and I still train people. The only difference is the red shirt.”

Coworker: “I think it was a good idea to pass up on the red shirt.”

Me: “Was that a vague Star Trek reference?”

Coworker: “Yes! I think I’m going to like it here…”

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(While working at the cafe, I am wearing a cream-coloured top done up at the front with a ribbon. A father and daughter (who only looks to be around seven) sit next to the table I am cleaning.)

Daughter: “Daddy! I want to be like her! So skinny!”

(I’m a size 12, and the top is definitely showing what little curves I have.)

Father: “Uh-huh…”

Daughter: “But I hate that top! Such a horrid colour! Miss, why are you working with such a horrible top on?”

Me: “Well, uh… I rather like this top. It keeps me cool in the warm weather.”

(At this point, I go to take some plates in. When I come back to wipe the table down, the daughter has a ketchup bottle in her hand.)

Daughter: “You know, I was thinking: that top would look better in red, miss. Let me change it for you!”

Me: “I’d rather you didn’t!”

(The daughter gets up with the ketchup in her hand, and eyes my top threateningly as I pull away from the table as quickly as I can.)

Daughter: “But daddy ALWAYS lets me do what I want! You have to do so, too!”

Me: “Erh… sir, please tell your daughter to calm down.”

Father: “Don’t you DARE tell me how to raise my daughter. Some slutty waitress like you… I bet you have kids with no father in sight!”

(Thankfully, my manager intervened at that point and escorted the father and daughter out!)

(I work at a sandwich & juice bar. Next to fresh made sandwiches, we also sell coffee, pastries and pizzas, which we keep in our wall fridge for customers to grab and bake at request.)

Customer: “I’d like to buy this pizza, please. Could you bake it for me?”

(The customer hands my coworker a wrapped pizza.)

Coworker: “Sure. Let me ring that up for you.”

(My coworker puts pizza in oven, and then stares at register.)

Coworker: “Now, let’s see. Um, [My Name], was that an 11 inch or 30 inch pizza?”

Me: “…Can’t you tell?”

Coworker: “Duh, how should I be able to? It wasn’t on the label.”

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a cheeseburger with no cheese, and some fries.”

Me: “Okay, so you’d like a hamburger combo with fries. That’ll be $7.4—”

Customer: “No, no, I don’t want a hamburger. I want a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

Me: “So… a hamburger.”

Customer: “NO! I don’t want a hamburger. I want a cheeseburger minus cheese!”

(Note: cheeseburgers, whether I enter in “no cheese” or not, are always a dollar more than hamburgers.)

Me: “So, you want to pay a dollar extra for a cheeseburger, but you want no cheese?”

Customer: “YES! Is that so hard?”

Me: “No, sir. So, a cheeseburger with no cheese, and fries. Your total is $8.54.”

Customer: *satisfied, hands me a $10* “Much better!”

(A former manager that retired has returned to work part-time. A very young coworker of mine doesn’t seem to understand the situation and has been asking the former manager the same questions for about a week.)

Young Coworker: “So, why did you come back? Aren’t you retired?”

Former Manager: “Yes, but I was kind of bored. Before I retired this place was my life, so when I needed something to occupy my time again, I decided to come back part time.”

Young Coworker: “But why? This place sucks! Couldn’t you get a better job?”

Former Manager: “It’s not just the place. I’ve been working with some of these people for years. I missed them.”

Young Coworker: “I don’t get it… that doesn’t make any sense! How could you miss this place? It’s awful!”

(My young coworker stomps away and I shake my head.)

Me: “You didn’t miss her, did you?”

Former Manager: “Not in the slightest…”