(I am ten, and one of my best friends is black. My dad owns a condo that he and I live in with a pool on the property. One day, he takes me and my friend down to the pool. We’d only been there about twenty minutes when one of the groundskeepers approaches my dad.)

Man: “Uh, sir, you’re not allowed to bring non-residents to the pool area.”

Dad: “Excuse me?”

Man: *looking highly uncomfortable* “Well… I mean, you can only bring your own kids to swim here. You see?”

(Dad stares at him for the better part of a minute before standing up straight, looking him dead in the eye, and saying:)

Dad: “I want you to look at both of these girls and tell me precisely which one isn’t my kid.”

(The groundskeeper had nothing to say to that and walked away without making either of us leave. When I was older, dad told me this story and theorized that some racist tenant who didn’t like my black friend had ordered the groundskeeper to throw us out. I love my dad.)

(I am at a get together with my boyfriend, his sister, and her friends who I just met. I’m Chinese and prone to snark.)

Acquaintance: “[My Name], where are you from?”

Me: “I’m from the Bay Area. From a city called San Leandro.”

Acquaintance: “Well, I mean… Where are your parents from?”

Me: “They’re from there, too. I live with them.”

Acquaintance: “No, like… Where were they born?”

Me: “Oakland.”

(I thought it was funny, but I think I embarrassed him, so I felt a little bad.)

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(I work at a fairly popular freshwater diving facility situated in a flooded quarry. I recently asked my friend to get me a cheeseburger since he was going to the snack stand on the other side of the park anyway. We use walkie-talkies to communicate, and they are all on the same channel.)

Coworker: *over walkie* “[My Name], come in. [My Name].”

Me: *thinking he had an issue on the way there I need to help with* “This is [My Name]. What do you need?”

Coworker: “Do you… uh… do you want ketchup on your burger?”

(I pause for a good 10 seconds because I’m aware that every employee in the park, including all three of my managers, as well as the company owner, can probably hear this.)

Me: *awkwardly* “Uh… yeah sure. Just a bit.”

(Suddenly, one of my managers cuts in. Thankfully he’s pretty laid back.)

Manager: “…Are you two seriously coordinating food orders over your walkies?”

Coworker: “Well, I’m not going to walk all the way back to talk to [My Name]. It’s hot out.”

Manager: “Eh, fair enough. I’m at the changing rooms. Can you bring me a soda on your way back? I’m thirsty.”

(My boyfriend and I are in the swimming pool at his place. Neither of us can swim. I’m 5ft tall and he’s 6ft. We are waddling around in the 3-4ft zone when he wants me to go to the 5ft zone with him. I am holding on to one of his shoulders and we are talking and laughing. Then all of a sudden, he decides to duck down in the water. I get a mouthful of chlorine water and some goes down my throat. We both choke and cough like crazy.)

Me: “What the h*** did you do that for!?”

Boyfriend: “I forgot you were on me and my shoulders were getting cold.”

(I work as a supervisor at a pool for the past few years. Most of the lifeguards and instructors are under 18 since the pool is attached to the local high school. Because the pool is so small, supervisors also guard on some shifts with the only other staff person in the building being the lifeguard. This happens with one of the 16-year-old boys we’d hired earlier that summer, so he has no idea I am 23. I am left on the stand for over 45 minutes.)

Me: “Where the h*** have you been? You were supposed to be here half an hour ago!”

Coworker: “I lost track of time.”

Me: “Were you doing something important?”

Coworker: *doesn’t answer*

(After getting off the stand, I check the office to see what he’s been doing. The little idiot had stayed logged into his Facebook, and I find out he’s been sexting with his girlfriend. I maximize the screen to show I know when I go to switch with him. Moments after we switch, this happens:)

Coworker: *spitting profanities at me*

Me: “Woah, there are about 20 children in the pool. Watch the language.”

Coworker: “That was an invasion of privacy!”

Me: “What, you leaving your Facebook logged in?”

Coworker: “Yes!”

Me: “You do realize using social media sites at work is against the rules, right? We’re on the school’s network. Also, what are you talking about? You signed a form saying you would do nothing like that.”

Coworker: “You’re not my boss!”

Me: “Actually, right now, I am. [Boss] is on vacation, so I’m in charge until she gets back.”

Coworker: “You’re just a teenager like me! You have no authority over me!”

Me: “I have seven years on you. I want you off the premises. I’ve already called a replacement for you and covered all your shifts until [Boss] is back.”

(He tried to push me in the pool before sprinting out. The moron tried to show up for his shifts that I was supervising, and when our boss returned he was fired. It gets better: he was expelled for using the school’s computers for “illicit activities.” Then his girlfriend dumped him. Then his mother made him come and apologize!)