(I work at a swimming pool. One of our regular customers is standing at the payphone and glancing at me every so often. He picks up the receiver, but doesn’t put money in. He then moves his mouth like he’s talking, still checking on me. I’m suspicious he’ll try to sneak in, so I step out of his view. Sure enough, I hear his footsteps.)

Me: *coming back into view* “Hi, sir! Here to use the hot tub?”

(The customer grumbles and throws his admission fee at the counter.)

Me: “You enjoy it!”

(I smile at him brightly despite his dirty look.)

(My friend is more than just a little bit of a weirdo. He is extremely random and refuses to care what others think unless it is nice. However, he seems to have a certain magnetism in his looks that no one really understands.)

Friend’s Dad: “I don’t understand what it is with [Friend]. He just attracts all the girls…”

Me: “Yeah, but then he says something and all bets are off.”

(At that exact moment he comes running out of the bathroom.)

Friend: “BLAREGATHEGAH!”

Everyone: *laughing*

(It took at least 10 minutes for someone to gain enough composure to tell him why we were all laughing.)

(From the ages of three to seven, I like to walk on my hands and feet everywhere I go, pretending I am an animal. At the local pool, I climb up onto a table a woman is sitting at, make some animal noises, and then jump down, running off. My mother turns to the woman apologetically.)

Mother: “I’m sorry. She thinks she’s an animal sometimes.”

Woman: *taken aback and in a very serious tone* “Well, has she seen a doctor?”

(My friend and I are both working as lifeguards at a local reservoir. It’s a slow day at the swimming beach and we’re chatting while we wait for things to pick up. I’m watching the gulls and the geese walking around, and for some reason I’m wondering what it would be like if humans had wings instead of arms. My brain, however, comes out with something completely different.)

Me: “I wonder what it would be like if human beings only had two arms.”

Friend: “Something you want to tell me?”

(I’m at a public pool that has pretty lenient employees at the “Snack Shack.” It should be noted that at the Shack, the customer pays BEFORE receiving their food.)

Employee: “Fries are ready!”

Little Boy: “My dad ordered those.” *takes fries and runs away*

(A few minutes later…)

Man: “Hi, I ordered my fries a while ago. Are they ready yet?”

Employee: “Uh, yeah. Your son just came by and already took them.”

Man: “What? I don’t have a son…”

Employee: *widens eyes* “Wait… What? That little lucky punk! He stole— argh. Sorry, I’ll get you your fries. Ugh…”

This story is part of the French Fry roundup!

Read the next French Fry roundup story!

Read the French Fry roundup!