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They Swim Where The Sun Doesn’t Shine

, , , | Right | August 26, 2010

(A day camp comes to my pool every weekday. The kids are on average seven years old.)

Girl: “I’m a mermaid!”

Me: “That’s nice.”

(Next day…)

Girl: “I’m a vampire! Gaaargh!”

Me: “But yesterday you were a mermaid.”

Girl: “I’m a vampire mermaid! Gaaargh!”

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3

, , , , | Right | July 13, 2010

Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I get a piece of candy?”

Me: “Sure, that’s one dollar.”

Customer: “Oh. I only have a five.” *starts walking away*

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am? I said it’s only a dollar.”

Customer: “I know. Why would I waste four dollars?”

This story is part of the Customers-Causing-Recessions roundup!

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Completely Immersed In The Lesson

, , , , | Right | June 24, 2010

(I teach swim lessons but my shift hasn’t started yet so I am in normal clothes and standing behind the front desk.)

Me: “Hey, guys, go ahead and get in. I’ll be in to teach in a few minutes.”

Mother: “Who are you?”

Me: “Miss, your son’s swim teacher. For the past two years.”

Mother: “Oh! I didn’t recognize you with clothes on!”

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Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 3

, , , , , | Right | April 30, 2010

(We are doing rescue and CPR training with the other lifeguards).

Customer: “Excuse me, do you guys have to do that now with all these people in the pool?”

Me: “Sorry, sir.”

Customer: “I see this guy in the water and I think he’s drowning. I try to go help him, but he tells me it’s just training.”

Me: “Sorry for the confusion, sir. Please swim behind this barrier so that the lifeguards can complete their training.”

Customer: “And other people have pushed their kids out of the way so guys can do your thing! I mean, what would happen if the kids got hurt? What would you do?”

This story is part of our Ironic Customer roundup!

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Of Breath Smoke And Breast Strokes

, , , , , | Right | April 28, 2010

(A customer with children in tow tries to book a smoking room, but we are sold out.)

Customer’s Kids: “We want to go swimming!”

Customer: “They don’t have any smoking rooms, and I gotta smoke. We have to go somewhere else.”

Customer’s Kids: “Can’t you just go outside and smoke?”

Customer: “It’s snowing outside! Oh, you’d like it if I had to go out in the cold and snow just so you could go swimming, wouldn’t you?”

Me: “I can call the motel next door for you and see if they have any smoking rooms available.”

Customer’s Kids: “But they have an indoor pool here! We want to go in the pool!”

Customer: “That’s all you do, isn’t it? All you do is think about yourself! I gotta smoke!”

This story is part of our Terrible Parents roundup!

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