(I’m covering for another instructor’s class. One of the little girls is obsessed with Frozen.)

Me: “Hi, everyone. My name is Anna, and I’ll be teaching you today!”

Student: “You’re Anna? Then I’ll be Elsa! I’m going to be a princess today, and I’ll have icy powers!”

(We start climbing into the pool. It’s fairly cold, which is unusual.)

Student: “I’m making the pool warmer with my icy powers!” *makes swishing gestures with her hands*

Me: “Are you getting rid of the cold water and making ice?”

Student: “No!”

Me: “Are you making the pool into an ice cube to warm it up?”

Student: “Yes!”

(The parents on deck were very amused.)

Me: “Hello!”

Customer: “Three juniors for swimming, please.”

Me: “Okay.”

(We have a strict policy at our pool that children under eight have to be accompanied by an adult. I can see that one of the children is under eight.)

Me: “And is it just the children going swimming?”

Customer: “Yes, I can’t go; I am ill.”

Me: “Okay, how old are they?”

Customer: *obviously Grandpa* “They are seven, twelve and thirteen.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but I cannot allow the seven-year-old in the pool without an adult over the age of 16.”

Customer: *shouting* “Tell me where is says that!”

(I point to the BIG poster on the wall.)

Customer: *walking away he shouts back* “YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A HOLIDAY RESORT!” *he then says to the youngest child* “That woman wouldn’t let you in!”

Me: “I am sorry that being on holiday seems to you that you can abandon all safety for you grandchildren. Please feel free to go outside, chuck them in the sea, and see how that goes. But that will probably be somebody else’s fault, too!”

(I am fifteen at the time, and have been going through a tough time. I guess other people sense a dark cloud over my head and give me a wide berth. I’m waiting for my mom to finish changing in the locker room. A young kid that looks about eight comes up to me. He doesn’t seem to be with anyone. Note that I have never seen this kid before in my life.)

Kid: “Hi!” *smiles*

Me: “Hi…” *attempting smile*

Kid: “What’s up?”

Me: “Nothing much…”

Kid: “Well, my name’s [Kid]. What’s yours?”

Me: “…[My Name].”

Kid: “Wanna go play video games in the arcade for a while?”

Me: “Okay…”

(We played for a while and I kept looking around for the kid’s mother, but there was no one that seemed like they might be with him. He talked to me, a girl twice as old as he, like a friend, and I was shocked at how comfortable he seemed with me. Needless to say I cheered up and forgot my troubles and when my mom came out, the kid waved goodbye and disappeared. Now, nearly a decade later, I still remember! Thank you, kid, wherever you are, for brightening my day up when I was down. Everyone seemed to avoid me and you didn’t!)

(My sister and I are in our 30s, and have just met our cousin’s five-year-old daughter for the first time. We’re all in our aunt and uncle’s (her grandparents’) pool.)

Little Cousin: “I can’t touch the bottom here!”

Sister: “Neither can I. I’m short.”

Little Cousin: “Yeah, but we’ll grow and then we can touch like [My Name].”

(I’m four inches taller than my sister and standing still.)

Sister: “You’ll keep growing, but I’m all done.”

Little Cousin: “No, you’re not!”

Sister: “Yes, I am; I finished growing a long time ago.”

Little Cousin: *with air of dawning realization* “Wait, are you a GROWN-UP?!”

Sister: “…”

Me: *ducks underwater to stop laughing*

(I work at a gym that’s rather expensive, so all of the clients are rather well off. I’m a lifeguard year-round, since they have both an indoor and an outdoor pool.)

Woman: “Hi. The indoor pool is too cold. My child is absolutely freezing.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We can provide your child with warm towels directly from the dryer if he needs to be warmed up quickly.”

Woman: “No, I just need you to heat up the pool. ”

Me: “The pool is heated, ma’am, but unfortunately, we can’t directly control the temperature of the pool.”

Woman: *getting angry* “What do you mean you can’t control it?! Just pour a bunch of hot water in it!”

Me: “Ma’am, there are almost half a million gallons of water in this pool. We couldn’t possibly get enough water to meet your demands.”

Woman: “Well, you’re not doing your job, then. I’ll be speaking to your manager!” *storms off in a fit of pretentious rage*

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