(As a pizza delivery driver, at the beginning of my shift I am given a supply of fives and ones to make change for customers if needed. This is known as a “bank.” At the end of the shift, I am reimbursed for my mileage, less the amount of my bank. On this night, things are pretty slow, so I actually owe the store money.)

Shift Leader: “Okay, you got a $20 bank, and your mileage comes to $13.34, so you owe us…” *gives quizzical look*

Me: “$6.66, right?”

Shift Leader: “Huh! Yeah! Too funny!” *yells to another driver* “Hey, check this out! [My Name] owes us $6.66 for his bank!”

Me: “And my soul!”

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(I am working with my sister, and she is taking an order over the phone.)

Sister: “And will you be paying with cash, credit, or debit?”

(She pauses as the customer answers.)

Sister: “And just to make sure, that was black olives, not green, right?”

(She finishes taking the order.)

Sister: “I asked her if she wanted black olives instead of green to make sure I got the order right, but she just shouted “CASH!!” at me. I hope she likes black olives.”

(My manager just got off the phone with a rather angry customer. Apparently the customer received an order that she didn’t like and wanted us to remake it for free. The problem was that she’d ordered the pizzas over a month ago and she hadn’t filed a complaint until now. My manager argued with her but eventually gave up and offered to replace ONE of the pizzas because she’d taken so long to complain. I’m cooking and get the order which is a pizza consisting of nine different toppings, including black olives. When the pizza comes out of the oven, this happens:)

Coworker: “Ew, what is that? Is that… Is that a twig? [Manager]! There’s a twig in this pizza.”

(She shows the object to the manager who picked it out of the pizza and held it up, making a face. He turned and showed it to me.)

Manager: “Really, [My Name]?”

Me: “It’s not a twig; it’s an olive branch. I was extending an olive branch to the customer as a sign of peace and now you’ve ruined it! Peace between [Pizza Company] and the customers will never be achieved now and it’s ALL YOUR FAULT!”

(I remade the pizza… twig-free.)

(I am picking up a pizza for carryout.)

Manager: “Your total will be $[total]”

Employee: “Hey, boss! Which one of these goes on the bread sticks?”

(The employee is holding two different containers. One is labeled “Bread stick seasoning”)

Manager: “That one. The one that says… bread sticks on it.”

Employee: “Thanks, boss!” *goes back to food prep*

Manager: “I… can’t believe I was just asked that question.”

(I ordered a couple pizzas and told them I had a coupon. When the delivery guy arrived I looked at the receipt.)

Me: “$95.30…? No way am I signing this! It should be $25!”

Delivery Guy: “What?”

(He looks and then calls his boss. He talks outside for a while, then comes back in and hands me his cell.)

Manager: “Hi, sorry about that. Can you write a tip on the back, and then I’ll fix everything when the delivery guy gets back.”

Me: “Um, okay. Please get this taken care of.”

(I bring up my credit card statement 20 minutes later and see that the $95 is pending, along with another $35 charge. I decide to call the store.)

Me: “Hey, I am the guy who you guys charged $95. I noticed it is still high. It should be $25.”

Manager: “Oh, yes, sorry about that. The guy who rang you up is new and gets 9’s and 2’s mixed up. Please hold for a sec.”

(She then hands the phone to whatever poor soul rang me up.)

Employee: “Sorry. I get 2’s and 9’s mixed up.”

(I and friends all face-palm.)