(I am calling back a customer who had a six-year-old TV with a cracked screen. Unfortunately, due to its age, we can no longer get parts for it.)

Me: “Hello, we’d like to let you know that unfortunately, we are unable to repair your product. The parts are discontinued.”

Customer: “So, you can’t fix it?”

Me: “Correct.”

Customer: “So you can fix it?”

Me: “No, the parts are unavailable.”

Customer: “Can you order them?”

Me: “No, the parts are discontinued.”

Customer: “You can order them somewhere else, yes?”

Me: “No, we cannot fix this unit at all.”

Customer: “Does [brand name] carry the part?”

Me: “No, they don’t.”

Customer: “Okay, so you can get it fixed, right? Test it again?”

Me: “No, we cannot fix it.”

Customer: “So it can’t be fixed?”

Me: “It cannot be fixed, ever, unfortunately.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll call you back when it’s done!” *click*

Caller: “Hello. I work offshore. I got home from a three-week assignment yesterday, and the wife and I were doing the… you know… We were being… uhh…”

Me: “…intimate?”

Caller: “Nah. It was pretty rough. But anyhow, we were doing our thing.”

(At this point, I’m pretty sure the caller is actually a buddy of mine, pranking me. I am wrong.)

Me: “Sir, this is a stereo repair shop. Are you aware–”

Caller: “Yeah, yeah, sorry. That’s not the point. When we got done, I noticed the music had stopped. I looked over there, and there were fumes coming off the receiver. So, I called your customer service number and they told me I need to write a description of the problem. I don’t know what happened, so I figured I’d call a tech guy to help me with the description. You got any idea what I should write?”

Me: “Well, uhh… how about ‘smokes after sex’?”

Caller: *laughing* “DONE! I like yer style, my friend!”

(That call totally made my day. I almost got fired over it, but it was worth it!)