(I have broken the screen on my phone and am calling to find a place to get it fixed. Since I live in such a small town, there isn’t anywhere I can get it done locally. I am calling on a Tuesday.)

Me: “Hello, I have a [phone] and need to get the screen replaced, and I was wondering if you could do so?”

Owner: “Sure, but I don’t have the parts to do so today, but I can order it for tomorrow.”

Me: “That’s fine. I live over an hour away, and couldn’t bring it in until Friday afternoon, if that’s all right.”

Owner: “Oh, I can definitely have the part by then. And we have time, if you would like to set up an appointment. I just need a name and phone number.”

Me: “Okay, I’m [Name] and my number is [number].”

Owner: “Can you repeat that number for me?”

Me: “Sure. It’s [number].”

Owner: “Okay, thanks. I’ll see you Friday.”

(Friday comes around and I drive to the shop.)

Me: “Hello, I talked to someone a few days ago about getting my phone fixed.”

Owner: “Yeah, you talked to me. Sorry, my supplier is out of stock for your phone, so I can’t get it replaced, and I don’t know when I’ll be able to get the part in. And I didn’t write your number down, so I couldn’t call you.”

(For the holidays this year, my workplace has set up a schedule where a different third of the shop will each be off work the week before Christmas, the week between Christmas and New Year’s, and the week after New Year’s.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], which week are you off?”

Coworker: “First one, why?”

Me: “Just wondering.”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: *joking* “Just wondering if I had to look at your face next week.”

Coworker: “See, the first time I misheard what you said as “Ghostbusters”, so I think I’m going to go with that instead.”

(I am bored at work and fiddling with a torque driver sitting on a table.)

Coworker: *jokingly* “[My Name], that is not a f****** toy.”

Me: “Well, I sure HOPE nobody’s using it for f******.”

(I work in a business where I am one of two females. The other female is related to the boss, so she comes in late, never in uniform, sits and does nothing for most of the day, etc. She has been going to a gym for the last few months and is bragging about how she’s lost eight kilograms (about 18lbs). A woman is recommended to us by her daughter who has only told her to, “ask the lady.” The woman is embarrassed and rings her daughter to ask which female. She gets told the one who wears glasses (me). We laugh about it and my fellow female workmate announces:)

Coworker: “You could have said the way older or fatter one and we’d have known who you meant straight away.”

(She walks away in her gym clothes (definitely not the uniform), laughing hysterically. A few months later my doctor gives me the go ahead to slowly start exercising again to help with a chronic medical condition. It works wonders for me and five months later I have lost 40 kgs (around 89lbs). A woman comes in who hasn’t seen me for awhile and literally doesn’t recognise me but showers me with praise once it’s revealed who I am. My coworker is strangely silent as she has been anytime people have commented on my achievement.)

Customer: “I think it’s funny that you lost 40kgs in five months, and then—” *turns to coworker* “—congratulations to you too, dear. What was it again? 8kgs in six months, wasn’t it?”

(Yep, was the same woman who came in for the first time all those months ago. She never forgot how rude some young woman was to a fellow worker and decided to rub it in a little.)

(We work in a shop in a top educational establishment. I sometimes wonder how these people got into University.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to buy a charger for my laptop please.”

Me: “Certainly, what make is it?”

Customer: “It’s a snsv—” *pronounced snus uv* “—laptop.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Snsv.”

Me: “I’ve never heard of that brand before.”

Customer: “It’s definitely snsv. I have it here.”

(The customer brings out her laptop and places on the desk.)

Customer: “See, SNSV.”

(I instantly realise what’s gone on and turn the laptop the right way up.)

Me: “It’s an ASUS.”

Customer: “Oh.”