(I’m the idiot customer in this. My phone isn’t working due to water damage, so I have a temporary replacement: my mum’s old phone. It worked fine for about four months, and then mysteriously stopped working after one of my exams. I left it for about a month, continuing to charge it overnight and try to turn it on, before I take it in to the phone repair shop.)
Me: “Hi, I have a [Phone] and I’ve brought it in once before. About a month ago it stopped working. I’ve been charging it but it won’t turn on.”
Employee: “May I see the phone?”
Me: “Of course!”
(I put the phone down and the employee presses a button.)
Me: “Oh, no, the power button is here—”
(The phone starts to turn on.)
Me: “Oh.”
(The employee just looks at me. I pick up the phone and look at the button he pressed; sure enough, there’s a power symbol there.)
Me: “Oh. Um. Right. I’ve just been pressing the wrong button.”
Employee: “Yes, the power button and the lock button are separate on this model. Most phones have one for both functions.”
Me: “Thank you. Sorry to bother you.”
(I left with the phone, feeling like an idiot.)
Customer: “What do you mean you don’t have the parts on hand to fix my TV?”
Me: “Well, your TV is 12 years old. I can have the parts in a day or two.”
(The customer starts every cuss word in the book, yelling at me about my incompetence and lack of skill.)
Me: *stands there and waits until she pauses for a breath, when she does…* “Ma’am, would you like to learn some Tagalog?”
Customer: “Huh?…What’s Tagalog?”
Me: “It’s the language of the Philippines.”
Customer: “Why would I need to learn that?”
Me: *in the same, low toned and calm voice I have been using during her entire screaming session* “So you don’t have to use the same seven cuss words over and over.”
(Right after saying that, I calmly picked up my tools and headed for the door. The customer, red faced and stuttering, tried to yell at me some more, but was at a complete loss for words.)
Caller: “Hello. I work offshore. I got home from a three-week assignment yesterday, and the wife and I were doing the… you know… We were being… uhh…”
Me: “…intimate?”
Caller: “Nah. It was pretty rough. But anyhow, we were doing our thing.”
(At this point, I’m pretty sure the caller is actually a buddy of mine, pranking me. I am wrong.)
Me: “Sir, this is a stereo repair shop. Are you aware–”
Caller: “Yeah, yeah, sorry. That’s not the point. When we got done, I noticed the music had stopped. I looked over there, and there were fumes coming off the receiver. So, I called your customer service number and they told me I need to write a description of the problem. I don’t know what happened, so I figured I’d call a tech guy to help me with the description. You got any idea what I should write?”
Me: “Well, uhh… how about ‘smokes after sex’?”
Caller: *laughing* “DONE! I like yer style, my friend!”
(That call totally made my day. I almost got fired over it, but it was worth it!)
