Arachnoergophobia: The Fear Of Spiders At Work

| Working | April 24, 2016

(I am very easily startled, and tend to shriek when startled. My coworkers are well-aware of this, and well-amused by it. One day, when I am in the bathroom, the toilet paper runs out, so I grab the new roll sitting on the toilet, behind me, only to realize as soon as I look at it that there’s a spider sitting on it. Naturally, I drop the roll and shriek.)

Coworker: *from outside the bathroom* “Where’s [My Name]? That’s her scream.”

Me: “THERE WAS A F***ING SPIDER ON THE TOILET PAPER ROLL!”

Everyone: *laughing*

Me: *exits bathroom* “I don’t want to deal with spiders when I have my pants down! I’m fine with spiders any other time, but not when I’m practically half naked!”

1 Thumbs
457

When Powering Up Brings You Down

| Right | February 3, 2016

(I’m the idiot customer in this. My phone isn’t working due to water damage, so I have a temporary replacement: my mum’s old phone. It worked fine for about four months, and then mysteriously stopped working after one of my exams. I left it for about a month, continuing to charge it overnight and try to turn it on, before I take it in to the phone repair shop.)

Me: “Hi, I have a [Phone] and I’ve brought it in once before. About a month ago it stopped working. I’ve been charging it but it won’t turn on.”

Employee: “May I see the phone?”

Me: “Of course!”

(I put the phone down and the employee presses a button.)

Me: “Oh, no, the power button is here—”

(The phone starts to turn on.)

Me: “Oh.”

(The employee just looks at me. I pick up the phone and look at the button he pressed; sure enough, there’s a power symbol there.)

Me: “Oh. Um. Right. I’ve just been pressing the wrong button.”

Employee: “Yes, the power button and the lock button are separate on this model. Most phones have one for both functions.”

Me: “Thank you. Sorry to bother you.”

(I left with the phone, feeling like an idiot.)

1 Thumbs
698

Totally ‘Tanga’

, , , | Right | October 8, 2014

Customer: “What do you mean you don’t have the parts on hand to fix my TV?”

Me: “Well, your TV is 12 years old. I can have the parts in a day or two.”

(The customer starts every cuss word in the book, yelling at me about my incompetence and lack of skill.)

Me: *stands there and waits until she pauses for a breath, when she does…* “Ma’am, would you like to learn some Tagalog?”

Customer: “Huh?…What’s Tagalog?”

Me: “It’s the language of the Philippines.”

Customer: “Why would I need to learn that?”

Me: *in the same, low toned and calm voice I have been using during her entire screaming session* “So you don’t have to use the same seven cuss words over and over.”

(Right after saying that, I calmly picked up my tools and headed for the door. The customer, red-faced and stuttering, tried to yell at me some more, but was at a complete loss for words.)


This story is included in our Philippines roundup – part of the Not Always Right World Tour!

Read the next Philippines story!

Read the Philippines roundup!

1 Thumbs
1,870

Barry Burnin’ White

, , | Right | April 28, 2009

Caller: “Hello. I work offshore. I got home from a three-week assignment yesterday, and the wife and I were doing the… you know… We were being… uhh…”

Me: “…intimate?”

Caller: “Nah. It was pretty rough. But anyhow, we were doing our thing.”

(At this point, I’m pretty sure the caller is actually a buddy of mine, pranking me. I am wrong.)

Me: “Sir, this is a stereo repair shop. Are you aware–”

Caller: “Yeah, yeah, sorry. That’s not the point. When we got done, I noticed the music had stopped. I looked over there, and there were fumes coming off the receiver. So, I called your customer service number and they told me I need to write a description of the problem. I don’t know what happened, so I figured I’d call a tech guy to help me with the description. You got any idea what I should write?”

Me: “Well, uhh… how about ‘smokes after sex’?”

Caller: *laughing* “DONE! I like yer style, my friend!”

(That call totally made my day. I almost got fired over it, but it was worth it!)

1 Thumbs
4,471