You Say Stromboni, I Say “What?”

, , , , , , | Right | January 31, 2018

(I work as a cashier and bartender. One of my duties is answering the phone and taking to-go orders. As we do not have to-go menus, people frequently call with questions about items and pricing.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Give me a stromboni.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: *yelling at child in background* “I need one of those stromboni things! I know y’all got ’em.”

(I realize they are mispronouncing “stromboli,” which we don’t serve, and confusing it with a calzone.)

Me: “Oh! Of course! Which one would you like?”

Customer: *baby screaming into phone* “What’s in the pepperoni and cheese stromboni?”

Me: *holding the phone as far away from my ear as possible* “Uh, pepperoni and cheese.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, give me the sausage and cheese one.” *screaming child still in background*

Me: “Okay! Would you like anything else today?”

Customer: “Naw, that’s it.”

Me: “Okay, cool.” *reads back the order, gives the total, gets the name, and ends the call*

(The customer shows up.)

Customer: “I told you I wanted the d*** pepperoni stromboni!”

(Telling my boss about it later…)

Boss: “I hate people.”

It’s Not The Dressing That Needs Addressing

, , , , | Right | January 12, 2018

(I am the assistant manager at a local restaurant, and I hear this exchange between a customer and one of my servers.)

Server: “How is everything?”

Customer: “I don’t like my salad.”

Server: “I’m sorry. What is it about the salad you don’t like?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t like kale.”

(The customer ordered a kale and beet salad, which is mostly kale, as described on the menu.)

Come Out With The Weirdest Stuff

, , , , | Related | June 12, 2017

Back when I was 18 or 19, I went to visit my Opa (it’s German for grandfather).

Whenever I used the word “stuff,” he’d admonish me, and say that I should use “things” instead.

One evening as we finished dinner, I leaned back, patted my stomach, and said,

“That was good, but man, am I thinged.”

I absolutely deserved the smack upside the head I got.