(I’m a cashier at a dollar store. Two teenagers, who have been causing a bit of a ruckus, finally check out.)

Teen #1: *pointing to a chocolate bar* “That’s a dollar, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

Teen #1: *pointing to another chocolate bar* “And this is 50 cents, right?”

Me: “No… it’s a dollar. Your total is $3.50.”

Teen #2: “So, it’s not all a dollar! You’re cheating us!”

Me: *sighs* “There are mandatory taxes on these products.”

Teen #1: “I’m under 18. I don’t pay taxes.”

Me: *not having time for their games* “Pay or I’ll get my manager.”

(They paid without protest and left. Whose life is so sad that they have to go and bug people working in a dollar store?)

(I work in a true dollar store; everything really is a dollar or less, so the company cuts corners where they can to save on expenses. Some bank has put out television commercials explaining that their “new” debit cards “work just like a check!” A customer comes up with an armful of items. Not much at all. I scan everything.)

Me: “Your total is [amount less than ten dollars].”

Customer: *silently hands me a card*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! We only accept cash or checks.”

Customer: “This is a check.”

Me: “No, it’s a debit card. We only accept paper checks.”

Customer: “This IS a check. It is a check card.”

Me: “Yes, I know. But we don’t accept them. We never have.”

Customer: “You said you accept checks. This is a check card. You will accept it.”

Me: “I’m afraid we can’t. We have never accepted debit cards.”

Customer: “It works just like a check!”

Me: “Actually, it really doesn’t. It takes money from your checking account, yes, but using them requires additional equipment that the store does not have as well as a dedicated phone line, I believe.”

(Our cash registers are extremely barebones. Barely a step above old-fashioned mechanical types as far as capabilities go.)

Customer: “Are you calling my bank a liar?”

Me: “Maybe not a liar, but certainly misleading from the business perspective.”

Customer: “Well I don’t HAVE cash or a check! YOU just lost the store a sale.”

Me: “Sorry?”

(Years ago, I was working in my hometown’s dollar store. One night it suddenly starts pouring outside. I am very concerned about having slippery floors, so I grab the wet floor signs and set them on either side of my register where people first walk in. A couple of customers have come in, so I use the dry mop to soak up the water. It isn’t two minutes later when a customer walks in and falls while I have my back turned. I run over to him.)

Me: “Sir, are you okay?”

Man: “…”

Me: “Do you need help up? Would you like a chair to sit in?”

Man: “…no.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

(I watch as he limps away, looking at a spot on his shin. The man later comes up to my counter with his purchases.)

Man: “Since I fell, I should have my stuff for free.”

Me: *thinking he is joking* “Haha, yeah…”

Man: *mumbles* “I’m probably going to have to talk to my lawyer.”

(Confused, I finish taking care of him and he leaves. I go to talk with my supervisor about everything. She later receives a phone call. I hear her laughing across the store after it’s finished. The supervisor brings me into the office.)

Supervisor: “You are never going to believe the phone call I just got. The man who was in here earlier was yelling about how he was pissed that you didn’t offer to pay for his items. He then said he was going to sue the store because he fell. I have looked at the camera and you can clearly see the Caution: Wet Floor signs two feet in front of him, and you just dry-mopped the floor right before he came in!”

Me: *laughing, too* “He thought because he fell I needed to pay for his items? That’s not exactly how that works.”

Boss: “Yeah, but get this: you can clearly see him standing in the door waiting for you to walk away before coming in. He was also limping on the other foot before he fell! Looks like he just wanted someone to pay for a previous injury. Good thing you were on top of everything!”

(I had to write a statement about the events of that night. Luckily it never went anywhere so there was no court case. The store manager thanked me for my diligence about the floors that night!)

(My partner and I are at the store getting some last minute Christmas wrapping supplies.)

Cashier: “Did you find everything okay?”

Me: “Yup, thanks!”

Partner: “This should be the last of the Christmas stuff, finally.”

Me: “Yeah, we got all our presents sorted yesterday.” *turning to partner* “Oh, wait, you didn’t get something for [Partner’s Brother] yet. We could drop by [comic store] to look for something.”

Partner: *shrug* “I don’t really care that much.”

Cashier: *laughing* “I bet [Partner’s Brother] cares!”

Me: “Nah, actually he probably doesn’t. He isn’t super into gifts or super close to his siblings, so it’s not really considered a big deal.”

Partner: “Also, he’s the reason we don’t have heat in our house right now. He’s our landlord and he still hasn’t fixed our heat.”

Cashier: *shocked* “Really?! You have no heat?!”

Partner: “Nope. We have space heaters in our bedrooms, but it’s a big old drafty house, so they don’t do much.”

Me: *trying to be generous to [Partner’s Brother]* “The radiators need to be replaced and he just hasn’t gotten around to fixing them yet. He’s working on it, but—”

Cashier: *indignant* “If that happened at my apartment, oh boy… he wouldn’t be getting s*** from me!”

(My partner never did get around to getting him a Christmas present, and we still don’t have heat in the house. Neither of us are actually mad at him about it but we still think the cashier’s reaction was hilarious!)

(It’s Saturday, which means that we have a $5-off coupon for any purchase over $25. A couple comes up to my register and we strike up a conversation about travelling and Las Vegas.)

Me: *finishes ringing the couple up* “That’ll be [amount around $110].”

Customer: *pays and continues to chatter about Las Vegas*

Me: “Would you like your receipt?”

Customer: “Oh! I forgot my $5 coupon!”

Me: *slightly nervous, because I’ve always ended up panicking in scenarios like this* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do the coupon now, since the transaction has been finished.”

Customer: “No, you can’t do that! I forgot to use my coupon and I want to use it!”

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t use it now that the transaction has been finished.”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager!” *smiling, but very agitated*

Manager: *hurries over and asks the customer what’s wrong, the customer repeats the exact same thing to her* “I’m sorry ma’am, but we’d have to return your entire purchase just to use it.”

Customer: “Fine, then let’s return everything!”

Manager: *speechless*

(At this point a line is forming, and we only have two working registers, with only one cashier. The customer continues to go on about wanting to return her entire purchase, but a man in line chimes in.)

Man: “Lady, just give me the coupon and I will give you the five dollars. If it’s really that big of a deal, I will give you the five dollars!”

Customer: *gets mad and leaves with a huff*