I’m shopping at a big box retail store where employees wear red shirts and jeans or khaki pants. I can’t find an item on my list, so I approach a man who appears to be in his early or mid-twenties and is wearing a red shirt and khaki pants.

Me: “Excuse me, sir, are you an employee?”

Man: *With a smirk* “Nope. I’m not.”

Me: “Oh, my bad. I saw the red shirt and khakis and figured I would ask. Have a nice day.”

Man: *Still smirking* “Yeah, that’s what you get for assuming things like an idiot. You know what they say about assuming.”

Me: *Not able to help myself* “Yep. You and me both. You’re the one dressed exactly like a [Store] employee. Don’t be surprised if I’m not the only one who asks you for help.”

Man: “If customers like you had half a brain, I could do my shopping in peace. Just because someone wears the same style of clothes…”

Before things go any further, an actual employee rounds the corner into the aisle we’re in.

Employee: “[MAN]! GET OUT NOW OR WE’LL CALL THE POLICE AGAIN!”

The man, still smirking, scampers off, and the employee turns to me.

Employee: “Sir, I am so sorry about. That guy likes to impersonate employees and then make fun of people who fall for it. We’ve banned him from the store, but unfortunately, we never have enough employees to keep an eye on the door, so he keeps sneaking in.”

Me: “Wow. Wonder what’s up with his head if that’s his idea of fun.”

Employee: “Tell me about it. Anyway, is there anything you need help with?”

The actual employee was very helpful, and I never did see the impersonator again.

I work at an everything-costs-a-dollar store, and we sell wrapping paper. The tubes look normal-sized, but since they are only a dollar, there are only four to five feet of paper on it. A woman storms into our store holding a tube with just scraps of wrapping paper clinging to it and comes straight to my register.

Customer: “You ripped me off! You tricked me into thinking this was a whole roll of wrapping paper! I want my f****** money back from you bunch of f****** liars!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we only offer exchanges, not refunds, and I cannot exchange an opened, used, seasonal product. I believe the paper’s dimensions were also listed on the original packaging, so you were not lied to.”

Customer: “This is bulls***! You lied and ripped me off and you won’t f****** fix it!”

WHACK!

Through this exchange, she had been getting louder and gesturing broadly with the empty wrapping paper tube. Stunned, it took me a moment to realize she had just hit me over the head with it. That’s right — she smacked me with a cardboard tube for following store policy.

I just stared at her in shock as I reached for the phone to page my manager. Meanwhile, I saw the realization of what just had happened cross her face. She turned bright red and dashed out of the store, never to be seen again. I informed my manager I was taking an extra break and walked off to consider all the decisions that led me to this station in life.

I wasn’t at work when this happened but received a text with a woman’s picture and a note that she is banned from the store. I get to work the next day and hear the full story.

Our employees-only bathroom is in the back room, along with employee lockers and all overstock. Therefore, we don’t have a public restroom. We are in a strip shopping center with a grocery store, two restaurants, and a few other stores, so when a customer asks to use the restroom, we tell them the locations of other public restrooms in the center.

In our back room, we have an area under the sink with a faucet about two feet off the floor with a small retaining wall on the floor surrounding a drain hole in the floor. This is used to fill up our mop bucket.

A woman approached the cashier.

Woman: “Where is your restroom?”

Coworker #1: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have one.”

Woman: “Let me use the employee restroom, then.”

My coworker then explained why she couldn’t use that one. She said fine and went about her shopping. The woman paid for a couple of things and left.

Another employee came up to the register, wide-eyed and mouth agape.

Coworker #2: “I was in the back taking my break when this woman came into the back room, tried the restroom door, and then proceeded to drop her shorts, squat over the drain, and pee! She grabbed some paper towels, wiped, and went on her merry way. I was in too much shock to say anything to her!”

They poured an entire bottle of bleach in the drain and mopped up around it. The next day, the manager went to a big box store to buy another mop bucket and mop.

(I’m a cashier at a dollar store. Two teenagers, who have been causing a bit of a ruckus, finally check out.)

Teen #1: *pointing to a chocolate bar* “That’s a dollar, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

Teen #1: *pointing to another chocolate bar* “And this is 50 cents, right?”

Me: “No… it’s a dollar. Your total is $3.50.”

Teen #2: “So, it’s not all a dollar! You’re cheating us!”

Me: *sighs* “There are mandatory taxes on these products.”

Teen #1: “I’m under 18. I don’t pay taxes.”

Me: *not having time for their games* “Pay or I’ll get my manager.”

(They paid without protest and left. Whose life is so sad that they have to go and bug people working in a dollar store?)

(I work in a true dollar store; everything really is a dollar or less, so the company cuts corners where they can to save on expenses. Some bank has put out television commercials explaining that their “new” debit cards “work just like a check!” A customer comes up with an armful of items. Not much at all. I scan everything.)

Me: “Your total is [amount less than ten dollars].”

Customer: *silently hands me a card*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! We only accept cash or checks.”

Customer: “This is a check.”

Me: “No, it’s a debit card. We only accept paper checks.”

Customer: “This IS a check. It is a check card.”

Me: “Yes, I know. But we don’t accept them. We never have.”

Customer: “You said you accept checks. This is a check card. You will accept it.”

Me: “I’m afraid we can’t. We have never accepted debit cards.”

Customer: “It works just like a check!”

Me: “Actually, it really doesn’t. It takes money from your checking account, yes, but using them requires additional equipment that the store does not have as well as a dedicated phone line, I believe.”

(Our cash registers are extremely barebones. Barely a step above old-fashioned mechanical types as far as capabilities go.)

Customer: “Are you calling my bank a liar?”

Me: “Maybe not a liar, but certainly misleading from the business perspective.”

Customer: “Well I don’t HAVE cash or a check! YOU just lost the store a sale.”

Me: “Sorry?”