Customer: “Can you wrap that?”

Me: “Sure. Is it for a man or a woman?”

Customer: “A man.” *pause and then rather frantically* “Oh, but he’s gay! Does that make any difference to how you wrap it?!”

Customer: “One copy of the local paper, please.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be [amount].”

Customer: “I just want to look at it for a minute.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, our newspapers are not for browsing. You will need to purchase it.”

Customer: “When the h*** did that become a rule?”

Me: “People were clipping coupons, marking up, and otherwise rendering the papers unsalable, so management—”

Customer: “Well, I’m not going to do that! I’m here to buy gifts. Just give me the d*** paper.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t do that. I’ll be happy to hold a copy for you until you’re done shopping and ready to be rung up.”

Customer: “You f****** little b****. Whatever happened to ‘the customer is always right’? I’m one of your best customers! Get me your manager!”

(I call my manager to the counter. The customer continues to berate me, at one point telling me she hopes I burn in h***.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Your employee will not let me merely look at a newspaper. I came in here today intending to purchase gift cards for my entire family for the holidays, but if this is the kind of customer service I get, I will take my business elsewhere!”

(My manager looks at this customer, and I can see the moment he picks business model over me.)

Manager: “Your behavior towards my employee was very rude, but given the holiday season, I’ll let it slide. Here is a newspaper. Please bring it to the checkout with your purchases when you’re ready.”

(The customer walked off with her paper, and I was graciously given five minutes in the back to ‘get myself together.’ Two hours later, the cafe employees brought the news that the customer clipped three coupons out of the paper, spilled water on it, and left without buying anything.)

(The bookstore is in a small, fairly quiet town and we frequently get people asking for directions. On this occasion, a 50ish-year-old lady and her husband come in.)

Customer: “I was wondering if I could get some directions? We are looking for the quilt square.”

Me: “Quilt square? I’m not sure what you are looking for. Is that a store?”

Customer: “No, it’s a piece of wood painted to look like a quilt. There are about 50 of them; they are hung up on the sides of buildings around the state. There is supposed to be one here.”

Me: “Oh, I didn’t know anything about that. I can look it up for you though.”

(I get on the internet and finally find the website. The whole time the customer is just chatting about how long it took her to find the square hanging on the barn. The only information I can find is that it is on a particular street.)

Me: “Okay, I found something. This says that it is on [Street].”

Customer: “Okay, but what building is it on?”

Me: “I am not sure. I am not familiar with that street but I know it is towards town.”

(The customer is starting to get frustrated for some reason, so I look up the street on Google Maps.)

Me: “If you take a right out of the store, it looks like the road is about five streets down.”

Customer: “But where is the square?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am really sorry, but I don’t know anything about the quilts. I can’t really tell you where it is because I have never seen it. If you go down the street, you will probably find it.”

(At this point, I am starting to lose my patience. She isn’t even a customer for my store.)

Customer: *grumbling to her husband* “I swear! These young people just don’t know how to get out of their bubbles! She’ll probably never leave [Small Town]!”

(I just let her leave without saying anything, but it still bugs me to this day. She assumed I don’t have any culture because I don’t know where a piece of wood is. I am not American, was born in Europe, and am not yet an American citizen. I have lived in multiple states in USA plus some of USA’s territories. I am probably more traveled than she is.)

(I work at a major bookstore and it is New Year’s Day. We are open, but business is fairly slow. I am at the registers along with one other co-worker. We work through a line of people that never reaches more than three people long. A gruff man comes up to me to check out.)

Customer: “About d*** time. I was in that line forever.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m sorry about that, sir. This is the busiest it has been all day. Luckily we have two people working the registers.”

Customer: “Well, why the f*** do you have 10 registers and only two of you working them?”

Me: “We never really need all of them unless it’s the week before Christmas. We can work through a line pretty fast. Sorry you had to wait so long.”

(My customer looks at the elderly couple checking out next to me as they write a check.)

Customer: “It’s because all of these f****** are using their checkbooks and crap like that. Makes it last longer.”

(I usually kinda joke it off if a customer makes a racy remark, but just stare blankly at him.)

Me: “Yeah, well, your total is [total].”

(Customer digs through his wallet and pocket to get several bills that are mostly wadded up. He begins to huff loudly as I try to straighten them all out.)

Customer: “Maybe it’s the f****** cashiers that make the lines last so long.”

(I deliberately took my sweet time handing him back the change.)

Related:
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 4
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 3
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 2
In Line And Out Of Line

This story is part of the New Year’s Day roundup!

Read the next New Year’s Day roundup story!

Read the New Year’s Day roundup!

(I’m the customer in this story. I’m a tourist in Stockholm looking for a book for my boyfriend at the time, who is learning Swedish. I don’t speak a word of it. I see a bookstore and just wander in.)

Me: “Hi there. I’m looking for a Swedish book that has something to do with crime. Could you help me with that?”

Clerk: *looks at me dumbfounded* “Uhm. What was that?”

Me: “You know. Something thrilling and exciting ?”

Clerk: “You do realise this is a Catholic book store and we only carry books on religion, right?”