She’s Really Not Kidding

(I’m checking a guest in around two am. He keeps asking personal but not really inappropriate questions. I don’t like talking to strangers about anything personal so I keep giving short, polite — as I can — answers and try to get back to checking him in.)

Me: “So, I need you to read and initial the smoking and pet poli—“

Guest: “So, are you married?”

Me: “No, sir. If you would just initial here and—“

Guest: “Why not? You want kids, don’t you?”

Me: *forced smile* “And your vehicle information goes here.”

Guest: “You really should think about having kids soon.”

Me: *tired of this* “Oh, I have kids, but if I can’t find a buyer we’ll use the meat ourselves.”

(The guest just stares in horror.)

Me: “My goat had twin boys this year and we can’t keep them so we’re looking for buyers. Now all we need is a signature.”

(The guest signed and I got him his keys. I told my manager in the morning and he laughed. The guest actually apologized at breakfast; I nearly passed out in shock! The goat boys found a weed-eating flock for a home once we wethered them and their mom is an amazing dairy gal so I can’t wait for her to have a girl. Then I will keep a kid!)